Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Thu Nov 23, 2017 5:17 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:00 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 169
My head is spinning right now. I really want to hurt myself but I know that's not going to resolve anything. So I'm going to do opposite of what I want to do.

Quote:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.


I am usually very sensitive to other's feelings. Right now I have to be nice to myself. My thoughts are extremely negative right now. I am not talking to myself with truth and love. I am exxaggerating my deficiencies and criticisizing myself for not meeting my unreasonable expectations for myself.


Quote:
DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


Someone's actions has nothing to do with me. If someone doesn't pick up their phone it could mean they're busy. If someone snaps at me, it doesn't mean I did anything wrong. Someone's reactions to me have nothing to do with my worth as a person. I called a friend to say hi and say that I was thinking about her because she was going through a hard time and she snapped at me for calling her at a bad time. Just because someone reacts in a certain way doesn't mean that I did anything wrong.

Quote:
DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


I am very guilty of this. I am such a catastrophizer. I think that because someone doesn't react to me in my timeline that something tragic must be going on. I do not know the contents of another's thoughts. There is no need to freak out.


Quote:
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


I need to do my best, not be perfect. I have been very very hard on myself lately, which only exacerbates my self destructive tendencies. I am doing the best that I can right now. I am a good person. I do not have to be perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. I am doing the best that I can right now.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:58 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 2184
Location: Near the Cornfields
You're doing wonderfully! This reminds me of a situation I had with a friend many years ago. I called her up and she answered the phone, but was very curt with me. I hung up, very upset. I told my H that I was through with her, I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, who does she think she is? etc. etc. etc.

So a few hours later my phone rings. It's her. She tells me that when I called, she and her H were making love. I was shocked! I asked her why she answered the phone at all? Well, in those days there was no identification on the phone. Their parents were elderly and they always picked up the phone, in case in was one of their parents.

So of course I felt a bit ridiculous - in my own head, of course. I had jumped to conclusions, made assumptions, and did not know the whole story. I have to say that I am still not very good at letting these types of situations slide. I still have to work the skills.

It doesn't seem to me that you did anything wrong. How can it be "wrong" to call up a friend and offer support and caring? She just was not in a place to receive it. If it wasn't you, maybe another friend would have called her and she would have reacted the same way to that friend.

I'm glad you're able to work with these skills.

_________________
Image

......I'm gonna look at you till my eyes go blind..... (Bob Dylan)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:41 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 169
Thanks, BG. I really appreciate your support :-)

Wow! I had a situation with a friend once who answered the phone when she was doing the deed and when she told me later I was so grossed out. She thought it was hilarious.

Anyway...I really like what you said. I'm in such a habit of automatically thinking that I did something wrong. I give myself so much power that I think everyone's mood is a reflection of what I'm doing, when in reality, it probably has nothing to do with me. I am feeling a lot better after working through the four agreements and radical acceptance. I am really happy that I didn't follow through on harming myself. I am really proud of myself for taking opposite action. :-)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:45 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 2184
Location: Near the Cornfields
I'm glad you're okay!!!!

_________________
Image

......I'm gonna look at you till my eyes go blind..... (Bob Dylan)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 8:21 pm 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 867
I'm impressed with the way you worked through the Four Agreements in this case! I also tend to think that whatever someone does is a reflection on ME. But, it's not. People have their own stuff going on and usually don't even know that they may be offending someone else!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 1:56 am 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 169
Thanks, wondering. :-) I appreciate your input!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Applying the Four Agreements to a particular situation
PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:28 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 169
Just doing it again. Gotta love these Four Agreements!

Quote:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.


Today I did speak with love to everyone but myself. I do not have to beat myself up. I do not have to be perfect. I can also be honest.

Quote:
DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.


The good thing about being me is that I can control myself. I can make my own decisions and I can choose how I'm going to react. I have options today. I can spend days in misery second quessing myself or I can realize that what people do is a projection of their own reality. Just as I do what I believe and see, so do others. My behavior has to do with me and only me. Other people's behavior has to do with them. If I take care of myself then everything else will fall into place. I am my own responsibility and it is not my job to pick apart someone's head or obsess because someone didn't respond how I expected them to. Their reactions and behavior is based on their perception of reality, just as mine is based on my perception.

Quote:
DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.


It was really hard for me to be honest with a friend. I'm not used to it. I cringed and my gut twisted in knots and I spent a few days in shame because I felt that I didn't have a right to say how I felt. It took a lot of courage for me to be honest and I should be congratulating myself instead of doing what I always do, putting myself down and second guessing myself. As I get better I can better express myself. I can tell people what I want. I can handle it if they say no. I can be direct. I can be honest. I do not have to jump to conclusions and read my friend's mind. There is no need for me to do that anymore because I am an adult. I don't have to assume that she hates me because I was direct. I don't have to assume that her drama is a reflection of our relationship. I know she is having a tough time that has nothing to do with me. I can stop taking responsibility for her thoughts and depression. I am not God and I don't have that much power. I don't have to listen to believe the negative thoughts that cause me emotional pain. I don't have to obsess. I am not psychic and it's nice to know that I do not have the power to read another's mind.

Quote:
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.


I was really proud of myself this week because when I felt the desire to self harm, I stopped. And for the first time I really tried to calm myself down when I had twisted and self destructive thoughts at my meeting. I used my wise mind and disputed the beliefs in my head. I realized that I do not have to give people power. There is no reason for me to beat myself for telling someone the truth. There is no reason to for me to hate myself for being human and making mistakes and having needs. I really am doing the best that I can. Today, instead of spending the evening in my head, I came on this board and did a healthy thing, working through my beliefs.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group