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I have been meaning to post on this step for awhile now. I have been reflecting on it & am wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences. Its the 1st agreement

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD;
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using words to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

What I have come to recognize is that my shame really keeps me in line with this step. I tend to feel so badly if I'm dishonest or treat someone poorly or do something that lacks integrity, that it hounds me forever... I can still remember feeling badly about things from my childhood... like treating a playmate poorly when I was in Kindgergarten. I hold such accountability for my actions FOREVER (something I need to work on releasing). All these instances though, of not being impeccable have tended to nag me like an albatros hanging around my neck. As a result, I find that I really go out of my way to operate with integrity for I don't want to carry any more shame or bad feelings around my misdeeds. Does that make sense? I'm wondering if anyone else has that experience, or what experiences people might have with this First Agreement.

I have a question for you.



What about that part of the agreement?

Wow, Trinity... this is a BIG one. Interesting that I had so easily overlooked it; though it is clearly where I get stuck. My using words against myself... are not so much verbal tapes... ones saying that 'Oh Amharra, you are such a such n' such'. I don't play these tapes consciously in my head. I am clear though that they are embedded in the shame that enshrouds me. Its a deeper message that goes to the core of my existence of negating who 'I am' vs. something that I have done and feeling 'guilty'.... so in essence, when I am negating who I am, my core, my right to really exist really comes into question... so maybe part of my really trying to be so upstanding in my relations with others is that it becomes intolerable for me to add another layer of shame to that which seemingly makes up my existence. So, I see this is my work... the fact that you can simply ask about it and that I can see it is very helpful. It is interesting to me that I had so easily overlooked it... the reason being I think was that I was staying on the surface. Thank you.