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 Post subject: Help?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:58 pm 
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Can someone give me examples of how to use the four agreements?


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:53 am 
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Don't Take Anything Personally:

If I call you a jackass, that's about me, not you. It reflects my own inner anger or inability to communicate effectively. Just because I say it doesn't make it true.

Do Your Best:

Don't try to do your best. Just DO your best.

Make No Assumptions:

If you ask me what's wrong and I say nothing, don't assume that I'm hiding something from you, that there's something else going on, that there's anything other than "nothing" wrong.

Be Impeccable With Your Word:

Say what you mean and mean what you say. If I ask you what's wrong and there's something bothering you, don't tell me "nothing." You could say "I don't want to talk about it right now" which is probably true but don't say things you don't mean. Don't use your words against other people - don't gossip, don't be spiteful, do be catty, etc. Words are real things and they carry weight and meaning and importance in the world. Be very deliberate with them.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:39 am 
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OH Ash

I failed all Four of those.

I take everything personally, i try to do my best even when i know i could do a bit better, i assume everyone is saying something/lying etc, and i always get my words mixed up.

I feel as though I am getting absolutely nowhere with my recovery at the moment. I go to therapy every week, I journal, I read what they tell me to. I am getting better at not picking fights with people all the time and have more or less stopped feeling sorry for myself.

But I feel myself in a void. Like where to now? It has only been 6 months so do you think I am expecting too much of the recovery process, or for that matter myself.

I went to the psychiatrist the other day and we spoke about the medications I am on. I am on all the usual depression/bpd ones but take opiats for failed back surgery syndrome. He mentioned the fact that I speak very slowly and I said I try to get my words right before I speak to him. He laughed and said he already had me pegged so dont worry about it - stop hiding. Perhaps this is why I feel I am not making much progress?

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 6:03 pm 
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Everyone progresses at their own pace. So long as you are making progress, thats what counts!

Of the four agreements, the two that resonate with me most are "Be Impeccable with your word", because it was the last thing to go, the loss of my integrity was what really sent me over the edge and now I am determined not to let that happen again. I promised people I would not drink alone when depressed or angry, and then I did. I promised myself I would only sleep with someone I loved, and then I slept with someone else for fun.

I have suffered from BPD symptoms almost my entire life, but they've pretty much always been tolerable, I've lived a relatively normal, happy life, but the last year my integrity crumbled and that was the last straw. But ultimately, it led me here, to recognizing I have a problem and hopefully overcoming it entirely someday!

And then secondly, "Do Your Best". Keep in mind, a keyword there is "your". I tend to lack motivation, then feel guilty for it, seek motivation, then become frustrated because I am not so motivated and in control as others.

But "Do Your Best' doesn't mean you will always do as excellantly as at your best moment. It simply means, at any given moment, do the best you can do. If you're sick with the flu, you can't physically run the mile you could when you are healthy. Same with psychological wellness- if you are feeling very on edge, you won't be able to tolerate as many difficult situations as if you are feeling great. Thats OKAY. But you are charged to do the best with every situation that you can. Not that you want to. Not that's easy to do. But the very BEST.


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