Quote:
Stop / HALT
Just stop and breathe for a moment. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? The HALT feelings are physically-based and only temporary. Remember that!
Determine what the problem is
Sure there can be (and usually ARE) more than just *one* problem but even still, write the problem(s) down on a piece of paper.
Come up with THREE possible courses of action
Start with one of your problems and come up with three (and only three - not a hundred, not just one) possible things you could do.
Figure out which one is best for now
You don't have to make a lifelong commitment right now and if things don't work out quite the way you'd hoped they would, you can work the steps again and again and again - just like everyone else does!
DO IT!
HALT - I'm hungry and very, very tired. I'm doing the steps because I feel cross. I have had a busy day without much close relationships - but therapy - which is challenging. This has already helped - I was bound to feel grumpy easily and it's not a great basis for 'a confrontation' when it's based on some temporary stuff.
I expected some friends to be supportive, proud of me and cheerleader me with all the challenges I faced, how hard I worked and at having taken a new step (risk!) of starting my new course. This all seemed a big deal 5 minutes ago before I started doing the 5 steps. What does say about my progress in therapy, my friends, my life choices how I communicate, I'm doomed.
3 courses of action. I'm a bit staggered, I thought dramatic action is needed, now I'm just thinking 'duh' - I messaged about a bunch of stuff at the end of a long day. I hadn't asked what they were doing - I hadn't said anything the day before - I was ill and migrainey - but my message was out of the blue. I'm trying to be more positive and looking towards growth and progress - moving away from a chaos and crisis based life. I'm feeling the tension of moving away from my old coping method of being endlessly helpful - which means if I change my relating to others style, I need to learn some new communication skills and to practice relaxation as I'm going along.
1. Rest, eat and breathe. Doing this now.
2. I can say I felt disappointed that people weren't excited for me - at that moment - as they'd been pretty excited for me the other week.
3. I guess I could ask people to celebrate with me and talk about excitement and fears around change.
I feel sheepish - but this is kind of cool - I think this is the first time I've seen that I've got a choice. Instead of there being a right or wrong way, or a way things 'should' be, I can choose which scenario I'd prefer and act in a way that's more likely (though of course not guaranteed) to get the kind of outcome and the kind of life I'd like to create.
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