Hi. I'm new here too and still learning the steps, but let me see if I can help.
Maybe you are dealing with something similiar to what I have found; that I can't really tell what is going to be a blow-up before it is, that things I thought were minor turn out to be major. By going to the Tools section and reading the Seperation of Stuff and the Feelings and Moods I have been better able to discern what is what. I'm still learning and I still have trouble deciding what is really important to me. I try not to overthink once I have made up my mind about something. It's not easy... I second-guess a lot.
I find that if I go back and work some old problems that have already been resolved, the 5 steps are easier to use. For me, this has helped.
Step one HALT: When I have a problem, I have to stop and breathe. It sounds like you are pretty busy and may not have a lot of time to do this, but maybe just a quick check in with yourself to make sure your not hungry or overly tired and to really take a deep breath would help with clarity.
Step two: Determine what the problem is, write it down. I know this one is hard (I'm not very concise with my thoughts!), but I find isolating the major source of the problem to be resolving in and of itself. For example: My H and I had a fight this morning because we share a bathroom. Silly fight, as I call it because it was a big fight over minor stuff. He 'made' me late. I yelled at him for hogging the shower and making me late for work. Upon using
Step 2, I realized I was really mad because he chose to stay up last night drinking. He always says he'll go to work on time afterwards and never does. My anger stems from a broken boundry (i.e. he is not supposed to drink on weeknights or I am supposed to stay with family) So, I am really mad at myself for not inforcing my own boundries. He was doing what he has been doing for years. I only control me. I did not have to write this down, just really think about the source of the problem. Was I mad at my H for making me late, for being late himself or because he didn't do what he said? Maybe because I didn't do what I said? Now I'm no longer mad at my H, but I hope I can figure out a way to better set my boundries.
Steps 3 and 4: Determine 3 courses of action and determine which one is best for now. It sounds like you are not having trouble with these. I find sometimes some of my solutions are wild. Like, I would recommend throwing my husband out the window for this morning, although that is not really viable, it makes me feel better just to admit I would like to. I usually know what to do, I just don't like having to do it. The right way is not always easy for me.
Most important, IMHO, is Step 5: Do it. Now that you have determined a couse of action, do it. Sounds simple, huh? It's not, it's the hardest one for me. I know that life follows a path you cannot always predict, but if you have determined the best course of action for a particular problem through rational thought and calm logic, then please try your best not to let emotions sway you in the moment. I try to Radically Accept my decisions. It is not easy sometimes. The worst is me thinking about them nonstop, going over in my mind how senerios could be played out one way or another. But I try to remember that the emotion will pass. The action will stay. Every time I catch myself rehashing a problem that I have solved with the 5 steps, I take a deep breathe, HALT, and try to distract my thoughts. This usually works, I'm easily distracted
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I hope some of what I have 'said' makes sense to you and helps. I am on this board trying to move toward healthy, happy living too. I'm new and I'm still learning.