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 Post subject: Ok... about HALT...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:50 am 
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For many months now, I've been hungry, angry, lonely and tired all at once, all the time, so how do I get to the headspace where I can trust myself to make good choices and act/react "normally"? And if I'm in a constant state of HALT, how do I get the strength and willpower to undo the hunger, anger, loneliness and exhaustion? Don't I have to be at least somewhat fed, calm, cared for and rested (or some combination of at least 2 or 3 of these) to make the changes I so desperately need?

AAAAH! Where does one begin?

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Being brave doesn't mean being fearless -- it means doing the right thing even when we ARE afraid.

"They denounce me as mad. But, is it mad to take the beak of a penguin and grind it into a powder and mix it with a chocolate phosphate? Is is mad to take the inner pieces of a concertina and sautee it with an artichoke? Is it mad to squeeze all the juice out of a venetian blind and mix it with parts of the San Bernadino freeway? Is that mad? A little goofy maybe... but not mad. Why am I so misunderstood?
-- Harvey Korman as Dr. Jekyll, The Carol Burnett Show


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 Post subject: Re: Ok... about HALT...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 12:14 pm 
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this is just my opinion ok? and how i do it.

first,,eat! lol. if your hungry, eat something. i like the lunchables as they are lean protein but oreos works too! lol. sometimes for some people, pure sugar isnt good as the crash later will upset their thinking.

rest, barring sleep if you have issues with that, just kick back, relax, do something you like. a good book,.a hot bath, a run, whatever you like.

now i work on anger when im angry. i define how i feel. good list on the side over there <------"feelings and moods" and sort out what is a thought vs what is a feeling. then i go to why. what does it mean to me? this takes practice but is very doable. just dont freak when you may not get it the first (or in my case, the 100th, lol) time. this all takes practice and time.

one thing HALT does mean is when these 4 feelings are present, we wont be thinking as clearly and calmly as we could be. once the basics are taken care of, it is easier for us to focus our minds on the deeper stuff. and some , like anger, are secondary emotions. anger is always second to something else.

it will get easier as you practice this every day.

first things first, HALT means tend to you. your needs. emotions tend to run higher with low blood sugar and exhaustion. they get in the way of sorting thru the "core" as i call it.

it just makes it easier to sort when we know HALT isnt the cause of what is going on. like when im hungry, im really bitchy. i need to eat first and see if the bitchyness leaves or becomes much less intense.

hope this helps.

and nice to meet ya!

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 Post subject: Re: Ok... about HALT...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:41 pm 
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I eat... and my stomach twists into knots... run to the toilet... painful diarrhea that can last for hours. It has gotten so bad, I had to be taken to the hospital a few months ago. They found nothing. Go home and deal with it. It's probably stress. Ya' think? So eating is a nightmare.

I sleep... and wake-up every half hour in an anxiety attack... remember that I'm still in this life and roll over to stare at the wall for hours tearfully trying to go back to sleep. During the day, I nap... wake up, remember how bad things are and lay back down trying desperately to go back to sleep so I can escape. So, sleeping is horrendous.

I bathe... and am so exhausted afterward, I have to lie down. So smelling good and feeling nice in my body has a price which feels as bad as being filthy and smelly, which means I see it as a chore, not a pleasure.

Doctors prescribe meds, like Ativan and Zyprexa, and I either lose all my inhibitions (Ativan) and tear into people around me, or end up in a 12 hour coma (Zyprexa) which is not very conducive to taking care of the people who depend on me. My bipolar/Asperger husband gets to go to the hospital whenever he goes over the edge, but can't imagine me not being around to keep him stable, so he runs from the idea of me taking the time to get some meds stabilized in my system everytime I try to bring it up. And since I'm not French and can't take the steps to get help on my own, I'm stuck here in our apt in complete emotional and psychological collapse trying to hide it from my son. I can't even get the strength to board a plane and go home. Even if I could, my 19 year old son is in the middle of taking correspondence courses here and does not need the disruption that leaving would create. He lives at another apt, so he rarely has to see what I'm like and if I know he's coming over, I clean myself up and rally so that he has his mom when he needs me. As soon as he leaves, I fall apart again.

About the anger and loneliness... I'm pretty peaceful when I'm alone with people I trust, people who don't consistently act selfishly and/or make unreasonable demands of me. So, there are only a few who I can bear being around for any length of time. My husband is not one of them. And, since I can't gauge aquaintences or people on the street, I shun most casual contact. Plus my lack of language skills keeps me inside most of the time now that I'm so low.

I don't trust psychiatrists... they've consistently let me down, and the psychiatry in France is absolutely archaic! It's all about meds and repressing the truth about being sick so that we don't bother others around us.

I know I probably sound like I'm just putting up obstacles to help in this reply, but, really, I do want to implement HALT and just am not sure how my current circumstances need to change in order to take better care of myself. I'm too close to it all to find my way out with my usual coping skills (which are not dissimilar to HALT which I learned at Al-Anon a long time ago). And I'm afraid that I'm just too hard of a case for anyone to care enough to stick by me while I explore my options (sounds like BPD, huh?) Is there a thread in all of what I've outlined that I can pick up and start unraveling the HALT? Given just one glimmer of hope, and I might just be able to pull myself out of this quicksand.

Thanks for the reply, jodyisme. Take care and nice to meet you too!
Lea

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Being brave doesn't mean being fearless -- it means doing the right thing even when we ARE afraid.

"They denounce me as mad. But, is it mad to take the beak of a penguin and grind it into a powder and mix it with a chocolate phosphate? Is is mad to take the inner pieces of a concertina and sautee it with an artichoke? Is it mad to squeeze all the juice out of a venetian blind and mix it with parts of the San Bernadino freeway? Is that mad? A little goofy maybe... but not mad. Why am I so misunderstood?
-- Harvey Korman as Dr. Jekyll, The Carol Burnett Show


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 Post subject: Re: Ok... about HALT...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:51 pm 
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I guess if you really can't stop some of the HALT problems, for me at least, being aware that when I'm sick I may not be rational helps. I may not yell at the lady who mad emy coffee wrong if I remind myself that I'm extra grumpy because of my stomach ache.

(PS, I was just diagnosed with this, so it's on my mind, but an allergy to gluton can cause the symptoms you discribed.)

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 Post subject: Re: Ok... about HALT...
PostPosted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:21 pm 
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im in al anon also! cool. it really is a lot like this, isnt it? self responsibility, dont enable, all that stuff. even the RA!

i wish i could help you more with the specifics. here is a few shots in the dark for ya of just my own views, ok? im sorry your stuck so far away and dont like the country and all. it must be very hard to cope.

i think we should use HALT first because without those basics taken care of, we dont know what emotion is from what source to begin to change it. lack of sleep is very hard on your body and mind. lack of food is also. at least take a vitamin supplement if you can and get lots of fluids.

heres some good vibes sent to you and best wishes on all this. it does take time...wont happen overnight. have you been checked for crohns or IBS? my H has crohns and he will do this. course with all his drinking, who knows, right.

crohns people go on certain ways to eat, like soft bland food, or even clear liquids at first during a flare. plus meds for the stomach and all. make sure you arent lactose intolerant...milk products will kill me. i would go on the elimination diet a bit and see if it helps at all. small meals, every few hours.

you really sound depressed.....all this can be from depression also. sleep disturbances, eating, etc.

meds work diff on each of us so i think you need to get a dr who will keep trying meds to see what might help you. you dont have to be stuck on one with todays med choices.

some of this work will have to be when you feel you can change your thinking patterns...ie...wake up and your still in this world..or your too hard a case...etc. negative thought patterns will only make it all worse. we have to conciously change how we think.

the good news is you can change YOU. ! just some time and work...im just not sure if your depression is holding you back too much or not because it can be disabling.

i dunno, i do mine by myself. always have. and i know its possible. i came outta 2 yrs of hell awhile back and am still here!

there is always hope...always. :) ((lea))

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"no one can walk on you unless you lay down first"
-old saying-


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