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 Post subject: the five steps
PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 10:24 pm 
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So, although I've a therapist, a psychologist, and a live-in boyfriend who's trying to help, and Lexapro....I STILL cannot manage to remember to use things like the Five Steps, or the steps I've learned in my workbooks, or in therapy. I even go so far as to write them in a journal, and try to resolve old problems. Unfortunately, when it comes to real life encounters, specifically with my boyfriend, I do not seem to remember to use them. in fact, just today I was so angry that I wanted to hit something. In stead, I balled up my fists and walked out of the room screaming until I got to the bathroom and began to cry. I kept thinking, scream in to a pillow, but I didn't quite make it. Then I tried breathing and concentrating on slowing my heart rate. I can calm myself faster, but I still cannot stop or HALT before i get there. It's usually because I do not feel that I'm being understood...I would love so much to be able to start using the simplest of techniques for the simplest of problems, other than using the worst techniques for the silliest of misunderstandings...


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 Post subject: Re: the five steps
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:06 am 
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sometimes i cant use them before either...but with time and lots of practice, these skills DO work. takes lots of practice and time, tho.

dont give up. this takes concious effort to overcome the subconcious.

work on what about not beng understood bothers you so...

just some ideas....

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"no one can walk on you unless you lay down first"
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 Post subject: Re: the five steps
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 11:24 am 
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You have a very interesting question posed to me, and I am for certain going to meditate on that. thank you.


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 Post subject: Re: the five steps
PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2008 3:04 pm 
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that is how i use the tools...i see WHAT i am feeling, to the core of it, then the thoughts about that. then i examine them to see how much sense they make, evaluate them. i see how i responded and how i could make it better or more positive.

sounds like a long string of things but with practice it can be done fast. it does get old when we have to conciously do it, but thats the core of recovery. changing ourselves.

i find once i see a issue, ie..."it bothers me when im not understood" then i can see the whys and fix it and the urge gets smaller and the good more positive urges come into play more and more. (no, im still not healed all the way)

if i just say "i feel bothered when im not understood" and i should change up how i respond, it simply never works well because the underlying cause or need is still there. like, becoming angry wont help anyone understand us. or listen better. the anger is the frustration coming out but a better way is to see how to behave in a diff way so others might listen. or they might not, but then it wont bother you since its their choice to listen or not. we cant make another do anything. . this takes many parts of the tools and skills into play. communication, learning to voice how we feel. "i feel upset" why? thought--" i think no one hears me"..and? "thus i feel and think im unimportant". (had to edit that into making plainer sense lol). then i would go to why does others responses matter to me and why do i think their response has a thing to do with my importance as a person or not.

well, yelling, much as i have tried! lol...people usually tune us out faster.. there is better ways to approach that issue and then we can practice doing those.

its SO much more than just saying, i wont yell anymore. or i wont get upset or angry. a lot deeper that that, speaking for myself only.

i hope this helps some. you can have all the support, and yes , its very helpful, but ultimately its up to us to practice those tools and do them every day. maybe a reminder? a rubber band on your wrist, a bracelet, anything that might work for you.

i havent found simple tools for simple problems. lol. mine go deep and i think honestly, most do in most people.

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"no one can walk on you unless you lay down first"
-old saying-


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