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 Post subject: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:36 pm 
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1.HALT.

Hungry - no, Angry - yeah, Lonely - yeah, Tired - Immensely
Craving nicotine - possibly

These are only temporary (except tiredness which follows me everyday resulting from bloody insomnia)

2. Problem: Severely depressed - feel like giving up - have little hope left - incredibly lonely

3. Three Courses of action:
3.1 Run out of the office bawling and screaming "I can't take this shit anymore" then run onto the nearest train line and wait
3.2 Sit here, take up to 10 deep breaths, mindfully type my distress levels down to a 3, letting the distressing thoughts gently pass out of my mind when they appear (including suicide), and remind myself that only a week ago I was feeling good, quite good. See if I can get then keep my distress levels back down to a 3 (they're currently about 8-9) whilst working mindfully.
3.3 Cry until something happens/changes

4. Best for now is 3.2 although 3.1 and 3.3 are seriously tempting
3.3

5. Ok - I need to write to get these levels down. Just something tangible to focus on while I'm not letting the negative thoughts pervade my mind. What's happened isn't the end of the world and needn't be the end of my life. I am ok, and am good person, I do possess true beauty despite all the problems, I can be strong, I can do it, I have made that decision before and can make it right now and do it. My body feels like there's a poison running through my veins, in my arms particularly. I can feel a weakness slowly passing over me, it's letting go of the resistance to calm. It's letting go of the chaos. I can feel myself calming, the music in the background is bringing the tension back - having trouble focusing. I can focus. I can be calm. Deep breath. Placebo - your guitars grate against me, although your melody's quite sweet. Angst in the music resonating with that inside me Let the music pass. I need to work, I am calming, I am calming. I can concentrate - write down the things I have trouble focusing on. Only 95 minutes lef til I can go. Mark - let him go, peoplke, my friends, my enemies they are not, alone. It's ok. I can be alone. See my T - see if I can see my T. Drink T, do that work, write it down. Breathe...change the music, done - much better - reminds me of Thailand. Down to a 3. Work

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 7:16 am 
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Great 5 steps, Sarah!

It sounds as if you were able to calm some of that for you with this tool. I'm glad you are feeling better! :D

Anything we can do to assist you?

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:04 pm 
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for about 2 or 3 hours

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:26 pm 
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Lather, rinse, repeat.

Practice makes perfect.

With that practice, the longer the intervals will get: 2-3 hrs will become 6-8 hrs will be come 2-3 days will become 6-8 days and so on.

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:46 pm 
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I don't feel like this very often, so practise happens rarely.

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:28 pm 
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We love you, (((Sarah)))!

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:51 am 
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Sarah you did a great job with this - truly. I've used your post to help myself figure out how to do the five steps. THank you!

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:03 am 
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You may not feel this way to this extreme degree very often but do you think you feel this way to much lesser degrees from time to time?

"feel like giving up" - "have little hope left" - "incredibly lonely" - "can't take this shit anymore"

Speaking for myself, I get those kinds of fleeting thoughts on a pretty regular basis - at least weekly. For the most part, they're just that: fleeting thoughts rather than full-fledged, highly-emotional out-and-out depression and sobbing.

Maybe you could bring this to the top of your radar over the next couple of weeks to see if it's more common than you might otherwise think at first blush. Part of that mindfulness thing, I think.

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 Post subject: Re: Tue 17 March
PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 6:41 pm 
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Sarah, I think you did a great job. I would give you a hug if I could. I have felt this way too and the steps have been immensely helpful in relieving some of that anxiety. I hope you feel better!


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