BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Step One: Halt
I'm not hungry, I do feel angry, I'm not lonely, I am tired

Step Two: Figure out the problem(s)
I am stressing out because I have way too much work on my desk to get done and I'm supposed to leave for the holidays on Tuesday. I don't believe I have enough time to get everything done even when I am planning on coming in both Saturday and Sunday to work all day. Additionally, my family had decided to make "home-made" gifts this year, which is a nice sentiment but they didn't tell me until last week that we are supposed to be making home-made presents for EVERYONE in the family. I was under the impression it was a gift exchange and I only needed to make one homemade present instead of 7. I have no time to get them done and me being me, I hate doing something if I don't do it well. I am feeling anger, stress and conflict from trying to get my work done, and get everything ready for xmas.

Step Three: Come up with possible solutions
1. When at work, I need to get as much work done as I can
2. When I'm at work, I need to get a decent amount of work done but not kill myself so that I have the energy to go home after work and work on the xmas presents.
3. When I'm at work, do a work item and then search online for scrapbooking pics for the xmas presents.
4. Take a xanax, which might not be a good idea because I am starting to have problems abusing them again and at the same time I need to calm down so I can get stuff done. (Therapist knows, we are addressing it after the xmas holidays are over)

Step Four: PIck and option
Staying mindful, I will get one work item done and then reassess. If I am still this upset, I will try the tools again. If I am still this upset in an hour, I will take half a xanax.

One thing at a time, one moment at a time, and remember to breathe.

BPDpip5,

I’m sorry to hear you are having a difficult time and we both know how new I am to this, so this is just an idea.

It seems to me you are taking reasonability for other peoples stuff. If your family came up with the idea of making gifts this year – good for them, but I think it’s ok to say “that is a great idea but I just can’t participate this year”, then you can do what you can and their reaction is their stuff.

As for work – I would ask myself if I’ll lose my job if I don’t get everything done. I also like to be right and do the very best – but one thing that has helped me is the idea that I come first. I have given up holiday and vacations because I wanted to do a great job, but if I’m not being good to me how can I be of use to anyone else? I’m not suggesting you not try, I just think it might be in your best interest to make goals that also work for you.

Someone once asked me “how many people lie on their death bed and say – I wish I just had one more day at the office?” Just a thought.

I know it easy for me to suggest you do something when I don’t have to deal with the repercussions, so please take this all with a big grain of salt. I hope everything works of for you and you have a great holiday.