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 Post subject: 5 steps
PostPosted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 11:26 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 274
1. HALT
not hungry, yes to angry, not lonely, yes to tired

I feel overwhelmed, anxious and angry. I feel like my world is slowly spinning out of control. I am struggling with wanting to help my sister, and wanting her to get the hell out of my space so I have some room to breathe. I feel scared of school. I feel like an imposter at school. I did my budget and don't have enough money to make it until the end of the semester. I have 50 pages to read for my class on Thursday, I have to teach today and I am running out of time. I feel like I am going to explode soon. I want to cut, although I'm not going to.

3. Pick one problem and come up with 3 solutions: lack of $
1. Go talk to financial aid to see if they can give me more money.
2. check out private student loans for education
3. If I can make it until the end of December, the next semester I can not do the teaching assistantship job and go get a part-time job which pays better.

3. Pick a problem and come up with 3 solutions: Sister
1. I have to stop feeling guilty and just do my thing. That means if I need to do homework at 10 at night like I did last night, I turn on my light and do homework, even when she's sleeping. I feel so horribly guilty if I do that, but I am stressing out because that is my normal work time and I can't get my stuff done.
2. I will try to go to the 24 hour coffee house more to study, so that way it won't interrupt my sister's sleep.
3. Come October 1 (the date we both agreed she could stay until and then we'll reassess) I need to tell her to find her own place. And, I'll need to deal with my own fall-out feeling guilty bpd issues.

Thanks for listening...

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: 5 steps
PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 4:34 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:39 am
Posts: 134
Location: UK
Hi Pip,

Is it just one room you have to live in and share with your sister? It sounds like it, from your description...

This is a really challenging time for you, adjusting to grad school and teaching, with money worries and all the rest of it. I think now is the time for you to focus on you and your needs. I can understand why you'd want to help your sister. Hell, I can even understand why you feel guilty about turning the light on - I know I would too, despite all my better judgement. But it's your place. You're the one paying the rent. And you need a place you can study. Believe me, grad school is challenging enough without having to tiptoe around someone else in an apartment that's only designed for one. Whatever your sister's situation is, whatever the circumstances that have led her here, even if those weren't her fault in any way, I think she needs to take responsibility for herself. You know yourself how important that is in recovery. And maybe your sister doesn't get a chance to do that if you're desperately trying to convince yourself that this can work.

I know you don't want to hurt her, but if it's not working, it's not working - that's not your fault. It is OK for you to look after yourself, to take responsibility for yourself, and to only help in ways that you're genuinely able to. It's OK to ask your family members and friends to do the same.

*hugs*

Lirael

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"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming." - Helen Keller


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 Post subject: Re: 5 steps
PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:27 am 
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Thank you Lireal. I needed to hear that. Hope you are doing well.

smiles,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: 5 steps
PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 3007
Location: Denver
If I could offer a couple of things for the sister / light issue ...

I have a sleep mask that works wonders for me. As long as I put it on while it's dark and fall asleep, the sun could enter the room and I wouldn't know it. I've also been known to put in some foam ear plugs at bed time. This sleep mask ships from China so I can't imagine it would arrive timely but something like it should be available at the pharmacy for relatively cheap and could help cut some of the friction & stress - for BOTH of you.

Oh, and if there's any way to partition the room - or the area around your desk - that might help too. This probably isn't practical in terms of money but I'm wondering if there's any way for you guys to piece something together with stuff you already have around. Even if it's getting some thumbtacks and tacking a dark sheet from the cieling around the study area. It might not block out ALL of the light but it could cut the glare considerably so it doesn't disturb her as much.

I hope you guys can work it out but regardless, great job of working the steps!

Out of curiosity, what avenue did you go with for the money stuff? (And hey, aren't you in the Denver area now?)

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 Post subject: Re: 5 steps
PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2010 1:13 am 
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Thanks guys for the responses. Yes, Ash, I am in Denver now. It's been just over a month since grad school started. I have my days of panic of course, but overall I am thoroughly the challenge of grad school.

Hey, I know you are in the Denver area as well. It there are any bpd groups around town, or anything along those lines, I would love to hear about them. I have been so busy with school that I haven't been around the city a lot yes, but I would like to find some supportive recovery-oriented situations that are local.

Thanks for the input.

smiles,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: 5 steps
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 2:17 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:23 am
Posts: 26
BPDpip5 wrote:
1. HALT
not hungry, yes to angry, not lonely, yes to tired

I feel overwhelmed, anxious and angry. I feel like my world is slowly spinning out of control. I am struggling with wanting to help my sister, and wanting her to get the hell out of my space so I have some room to breathe. I feel scared of school. I feel like an imposter at school. I did my budget and don't have enough money to make it until the end of the semester. I have 50 pages to read for my class on Thursday, I have to teach today and I am running out of time. I feel like I am going to explode soon. I want to cut, although I'm not going to.

3. Pick one problem and come up with 3 solutions: lack of $
1. Go talk to financial aid to see if they can give me more money.
2. check out private student loans for education
3. If I can make it until the end of December, the next semester I can not do the teaching assistantship job and go get a part-time job which pays better.

3. Pick a problem and come up with 3 solutions: Sister
1. I have to stop feeling guilty and just do my thing. That means if I need to do homework at 10 at night like I did last night, I turn on my light and do homework, even when she's sleeping. I feel so horribly guilty if I do that, but I am stressing out because that is my normal work time and I can't get my stuff done.
2. I will try to go to the 24 hour coffee house more to study, so that way it won't interrupt my sister's sleep.
3. Come October 1 (the date we both agreed she could stay until and then we'll reassess) I need to tell her to find her own place. And, I'll need to deal with my own fall-out feeling guilty bpd issues.

Thanks for listening...


Thank you for posting
It's good to see practice of these steps and rules in real life (even if virtual)


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