BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Stop / HALT
Just stop and breathe for a moment. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? The HALT feelings are physically-based and only temporary. Remember that!

I have a sinus problem and a headache. I am hungry and I am lonely and I am tired.


Determine what the problem is
Sure there can be (and usually ARE) more than just *one* problem but even still, write the problem(s) down on a piece of paper.

Problem: My thinking: I am afraid. I feel badly about myself. I want the situation with my X to be different. I want him not to have BPD. I want him to get treatment and he won't. I want him to stop abusing me. I want to wake up as if it were all a dream. i want to feel unconfused about the abuse. i feel crazy, like I am making it all up. It sounds so crazy when I describe it. i must be going mad. I want to be able to accept that the abuse happened and be strong enough to move on. I want to feel good and healthy again. I want to know the answers right now and have some sense of stability and security. Ok I have to continue in a bit


Come up with THREE possible courses of action
Start with one of your problems and come up with three (and only three - not a hundred, not just one) possible things you could do.
Figure out which one is best for now
You don't have to make a lifelong commitment right now and if things don't work out quite the way you'd hoped they would, you can work the steps again and again and again - just like everyone else does!
DO IT!
I say that assuming you haven't chosen suicide. Obviously, that's the ultimate final solution (assuming you'd succeed). Nothing will happen to change the situation/problem until you actually DO something, no matter how small. A change in your situation, outlook, etc. requires a change from within yourself. In order for that internal change to have effect on the outside, tangible world, you must take action to implement that change.

Hi surreal. I know you posted this a few weeks ago, but I wanted to check in. I didn't see you come up with three ideas you could use, just the one drastic one. How are you doing?

Hey Trinity! Thank you.

I cam eback to work on this a little bit- Things have been hectic here- moving again-

I didn't see myself come up with even one solution :-) I hadn't gotten that far :-)

I went into radical acceptance mode to get through the last few weeks... and I did somegreif work-

So- radical acceptance is one idea

Talking with counselors who deal with men who have addictions is another idea (had one convo - informal - put in a call to continue)

Outting it out of my mind and moving forward to take care of me is another idea

Ok- I will continue on later-

Stop / HALT
Just stop and breathe for a moment. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?

Hungry, lonely and exhausted, still sick, in pain

Determine what the problem is
Sure there can be (and usually ARE) more than just *one* problem but even still, write the problem(s) down on a piece of paper.

I am in a financial crisis which I can;t see a way out of. i am ill, feeling lost and alone. I feel rejected and abandoned by my family, feeling like i am going to become agoraphobic again. feeling helpless because I have poor assertiveness skills in certain types of situations- like abuse, feeling depressed and detached - i do not care about anything, i am waiting to die (not suicidal, but burnt out from life and have nothing good at all in mine, I'm "so over it")

I feel sad because I think I lost a friend because I am such a mess and I didn;t keep up with the friendship well, and I also am not exactly a cool person to hang out with now. we drifted apart and I don;t know if we can manage to come back together again- I don;t know that I even want to - i am different now than i was then, but sad none the less- she's a great lady.

i am angry at my family for being the way they are. i am frustrated because I do not have what I need to help myself and I would absolutely prefer to do that.

i am sad about the failed relationship.

i feel boxed in and just plain beat down. I can;t stand my new place. it's totally inapproprite and had I been able to assert myself/not had a narc family this would not be the case in my life. I screwed myself badly by signing this lease.

I am a moron.

Surreal...I don't have many words of wisdom. I s'pose - the usual recommendations...untwist some of those thoughts, five steps, etc.

It sounds like you are having an extremely difficult time in a very tough situation right now. I don't know if you've been feeling this level of intensity for quite a while or this dip is recent. I just want to say that you are definitely not a moron. How many people might be feeling what you are feeling given the same circumstances? Or made an occasional unassertive move, given what you are faced with? Probably most if not all.

You've been incredibly helpful around here, sharing wisdom and cheerleading us for quite a while now. Just want to say we appreciate you.

I hope things begin improving for you soon.

-Liz

OK, that might not have made sense. If you are confused.....I should have said:

How many people might feel what you are feeling or think what you are thinking (like that you are a moron - which you aren't!), given the same circumstances? How many people might have made an occasional unassertive move, given the whole scenario of circumstances and background that you've had to face?

I think it's human to feel and think what you are. But you are NOt a moron.

surreal
Just out of curiousity, I thought you had moved to another state (away from your ex) and were staying with a friend or something?
I think you're just feeling sucky, boxed in as the physical circumstances are bleak and negative.
Perhaps you want to try making a gratitude list - list of things you're thankful to God for, and that would cheer you up a bit.
Just a thought, perhaps this time of 'forced' dependence on your mum and family has a blessing after all, who knows? I mean a blessing in disguise. Perhaps there is a silver lining behind the cloud.
Would you like to do your gratitude list?

Thanks Liz -

I don;t typically dip this way.

i am in such a similar situation to yours, as I have said. Pain levels are HIGH, circumstances bad and contributing to high pain levels.

You go through it , you know...

And this kind of dip is unusual for me...and you are right, most people i know could not live with what i do and maintain the way i DO. I am not a moron...you are right..I am an unassertive mess!!!!

hahahahahahaaa

love to you Liz

I DID!

I think i put a new problem on an old thread...

gratitude list- that's a good idea. i was praying a lot ion the last few days.

My Foo was all over the place, crawling around, so it's been extra special...

And you are right, it IS a blessing in disguise...I consider it all joy when things are horrible- but MAHHHN - sometimes I just want to choke that narcissistic lying old lady! I'm ONLY HUMAN!

oh- new place - no furniture- floor- bad for sick people- out of money totally, overdrawn- in real shit- but own place -

totally socially isolated...got a bad flu, it just didn;t stop...the tumble of crap - it's stopping now, but I would like to sit on something other than the floor which is increasing my pain levels exponentially.

Sorry what's Foo?

Let me get this right. So you did move into a friend's place, but it was uncomfortable as there's no furniture right?

So with the financial problems and discomfort and the flu? you're having, you moved back with your family / mum. Right?

Are you physically sick?

When you mention pain, it is physical illness pain or emotional pain? Or both?

surreal, read your post on the other thread.

I understand your circumstances now...

I guess tolerating is the way then... And trying to find all the silver lining behind the clouds...

yup,

And the dip pretty much passed.

Flu still clinging a bit, Pain very much alive and well, still no place to put my ass - a check cleared so I am at least covered for basics this week.

I have been meeting the new neighbors...