Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Wed Nov 14, 2018 8:40 pm

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1 post ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Working Backwards
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:13 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:58 pm
Posts: 27
I'm just getting back into this and trying to use the Five Steps. So I'm gonna see what I COULD'VE done 2 nights ago to avoid the catastrophe that happened.

I just typed out the whole situation, and then realized, I don't really want to share all that. So... just gonna work through the steps without giving the details of the scenerio.

Stop/HALT: In this situation, I was Angry AND Lonely. I had felt a bit neglected earlier and wanted time with my husband.

Problem: A few of them.. 1, I wanted to work out; 2, I wanted to spend time with my husband doing that; 3, Husband threw a tantrum and I hate the hypocritical side that if *I* had had a little negativity, my husband wouldn't have stood for it and would've gotten on me for it.

Courses of Action: I'm going to take problem 2 - I wanted to spend time with my husband.
Action 1: I could get angry at him and throw my OWN hissy-fit.
Action 2: I could play the part of an understand and caring partner who understands becoming upset when things aren't how you wanted them.
Action 3: I could ignore him and keep on working out. Let him deal with his own tantrum.

Best choice: I think being caring and understanding to him would've been best. Validating I knew he was upset and should've been the grounding lover who supported him. Maybe he would've calmed down and did the rest of the work-out with me?

HOWEVER, I choice 1. In fact, I choose 1 in most of the situations in the past few months. Get angry and throw a hissy-fit. That pretty much sums up what I do. He's in the wrong too, but I know **I** control my responses, my words, my actions. And the anger and hissy-fit egged him on, which egged me on, and needless to say, there was NO quality time spent together. There was hurtful words said to me, VERY hurtful, and now a big shakiness in our marriage (which has been happening every couple weeks). I can't seem to control my temper. Or maybe it's just that I WANT to let things out, so I use situations like that as an excuse to do that. *SIGH* 2 days later, things are still shaky. And I'm depressed.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1 post ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group