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 Post subject: Working Backwards
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:58 pm
Posts: 27
I'm just getting back into this and trying to use the Five Steps. So I'm gonna see what I COULD'VE done 2 nights ago to avoid the catastrophe that happened.

I just typed out the whole situation, and then realized, I don't really want to share all that. So... just gonna work through the steps without giving the details of the scenerio.

Stop/HALT: In this situation, I was Angry AND Lonely. I had felt a bit neglected earlier and wanted time with my husband.

Problem: A few of them.. 1, I wanted to work out; 2, I wanted to spend time with my husband doing that; 3, Husband threw a tantrum and I hate the hypocritical side that if *I* had had a little negativity, my husband wouldn't have stood for it and would've gotten on me for it.

Courses of Action: I'm going to take problem 2 - I wanted to spend time with my husband.
Action 1: I could get angry at him and throw my OWN hissy-fit.
Action 2: I could play the part of an understand and caring partner who understands becoming upset when things aren't how you wanted them.
Action 3: I could ignore him and keep on working out. Let him deal with his own tantrum.

Best choice: I think being caring and understanding to him would've been best. Validating I knew he was upset and should've been the grounding lover who supported him. Maybe he would've calmed down and did the rest of the work-out with me?

HOWEVER, I choice 1. In fact, I choose 1 in most of the situations in the past few months. Get angry and throw a hissy-fit. That pretty much sums up what I do. He's in the wrong too, but I know **I** control my responses, my words, my actions. And the anger and hissy-fit egged him on, which egged me on, and needless to say, there was NO quality time spent together. There was hurtful words said to me, VERY hurtful, and now a big shakiness in our marriage (which has been happening every couple weeks). I can't seem to control my temper. Or maybe it's just that I WANT to let things out, so I use situations like that as an excuse to do that. *SIGH* 2 days later, things are still shaky. And I'm depressed.

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