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 Post subject: OMG - I want to scream and to kill
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:30 pm 
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I know, not a rational response, so here I am

1. hungry, angry, lonely or tired? I've just made lunch. I'm well rested. My dad's here, so no; not alone. I'm feeling angry, that's it! Can you tell by the title that I'm feeling angry, irritated, bothered, annoyed?

2. What is the problem? My father is here. He has the most disgusting eating habits. He eats with his mouth open, he makes so much noise (slurping/sucking/slugging tea out of the cup and other such disgusting noises) , and his false teeth rattle and he's been doing this for as long as I can remember and yet he refuses to change it. I remember as a 5, 6 7, 8 all the way up to a 13 year old hearing my step-mother tell him almostevery evening at the dining table "please close your mouth and stop making so much noise. It's disturbing and it's disgusting" speech that I actually sound just like her (in my head ;) ) The noises he makes drives me nuts. Yesterday, a friend of mine took dad & I out for lunch and I can't say I heard him making the same piggy style noises, so it seems he is aware of his problem and that he can consciously change his eating style, to suit the environment he's in. He simply chooses not to. So, I'm highly ticked off about that too.

3. Solutions:

1. Take him out to eat every day :)
2. Try to talk to him about it
3. Go outside, run a mile, leave the room whenever he eats something or
4. Ask him to leave the room!

1. Not realistic
2. Has never worked - others before me have tried.
3. Seems like a good solution
4. That wouldn't be owning "my stuff" - it is me who is bothered by the noise. Obviously he isn't.

Choose: Number 3. And I just did it and it worked! I removed myself from a situation that was making feel really irritated and it worked. :thumbsup


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:51 pm 
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Hey I'm glad the five steps really worked for you. It's really hard for me to remove myself from the problem especially when I feel really aggravated and irritated like you felt. It's difficult to know that you're not thinking rationally and manage to calm down, step back, and take a look at the problem. Good job :thumbsup


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:02 am 
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OMG!!!! You've reminded me of one of my worst childhood nightmares. My dad used to eat that way and it made me absolutely nuts!!! It got so bad I would pretend to rest my head on my left hand while eating... everybody kept asking if I was tired. I was holding my ear closed on the side he sat. Something about that sound can make a person truly cringe. Like fingernails on a blackboard. Oh, my. Oh, how I hated that. Years later when I spent time at his sisters homes and ultimately met his younger brother on the other side of the country, I learned that they ALL ate kinda like that. OMG can you imagine the sounds at the dinner table when they were children.

Good luck. This thread is sending shivvers up and down my spine.. AAAGGGGGKKKKKK!!!!!


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:11 am 
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ibfuddled wrote:
OMG!!!! You've reminded me of one of my worst childhood nightmares. My dad used to eat that way and it made me absolutely nuts!!! It got so bad I would pretend to rest my head on my left hand while eating... everybody kept asking if I was tired. I was holding my ear closed on the side he sat. Something about that sound can make a person truly cringe. Like fingernails on a blackboard. Oh, my. Oh, how I hated that. Years later when I spent time at his sisters homes and ultimately met his younger brother on the other side of the country, I learned that they ALL ate kinda like that. OMG can you imagine the sounds at the dinner table when they were children.

Good luck. This thread is sending shivvers up and down my spine.. AAAGGGGGKKKKKK!!!!!


LOL - IBF, I don't even want to imagine a whole group of them eating together, all in the same noisy manner. :shock 1 is bad enough. I've just sat through another round of it, whilst having dinner. (Can I run outside and scream now????)

I'm really not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe cause my SM made such a fuss over it when I was a kid. Is this something I need to analyse or is it natural to feel repulsed to the point of wanting to scream when somebody does this?


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:29 am 
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I think it's very natural to react this way. Some things just set off sparks. What I cannot figure out is why my Bro and Sis and Mom didn't seem to be terribly bothered at all. I thought there must be something wrong with me.

Maybe that's how I got BPD !!!! But over the years, I've learned there are a few people who are VERY bothered by that stuff. EeEEeeeeewwww.. Urrrgh.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 6:01 am 
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There is a name for this type of problem. It's called Soft Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, which is a subset of another syndrome called Hyperacusis.

I am going to try to attach the link to an article my H just gave me yesterday. My H is an audiologist and has access to many articles on this topic.

I have suffered from this for many years, but lately it has gotten worse. Fortunately, my H works for a company that manufactures ear plugs. I wear them a lot! It started when we'd go out to a restaurant. I'd hear one person talking, usually a woman at another table, and her voice would annoy me like crazy! I'd tell my H I wish she'd shut up! I can't tolerate hearing people chew. When we go to the movies the rustling of the popcorn bag or the movement of the straws in the cups annoys me. People who chew gum annoy me.

Here is the link: http://www.tinnitus-audiology.com/softsound.html

Let me know what you think.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2008 9:09 am 
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I joke my dad has crystal cheeks they're so thin the sound escapes even with his mouth closed, tho it's more he has cheeks like those japanese rice-paper screens! He chews ice, which I do to, so I don't mind, but it drives my mom crazy! I think he does it on purpose sometimes, too :biggrin they have been married for 42 years after all.

Amanda, you handled the situation well. All you can really do is leave. Maybe he'll realise why you are and will curb his behavior becuase he wants you to stay around him. But, probably not, eh? Maybe he's doing it to "get a rise out of you" - my brother constantly did things to irk me because he thought my over-reaction was funny (what a turd he was!). But maybe it's just cus it's a long-standing, ingrained habit. Try not to take it personally (as to it having any meaning). Or invest in earplugs, lol!

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 1:40 pm 
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Thankyou for sharing the link BG. Seems like a feasible explanation for my sensitivity. My daughter stood here yesterday at breakfast time. She looked at her grandfather slurping like a pig, giggled, looked up at me and smiled. It obviously didn't worry her. She found it amusing, probably because she knows how impolite it is. I think she could see that I'd frozen and was in "OMG. I can't stand this" mode; and her smiling at me was trying to unfreeze me. This is another reaction that I have "to freeze" to hold my breathe. It's almost like a panic attack and therefore I find myself unable to remove myself from the situation. My D brought me out of it and I was able to leave the room.

I spoke with my T about this. Stupid woman - thinks it's psychological! Thinks the reaction going from 0-100, to full blown irrational rage in 2 seconds indicates it's triggering something? The panic attacks is PTSD reaction? What on earth could it be triggering? :/

I think I'm more inclined to believe that it is SSSS.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 1:45 pm 
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OH - Well, I have often wondered if dad is trying to piss me off deliberately, but then I am aware that he's very immature and it's like having an 8 year old in a 60 year old mans body, over to stay. The roles have been reversed for as long as I can remember. I'm the adult. he's the child. Trying to reason with him, set rules with him, just sends him more stubbornly into behaving the wrong way. I am a meany too him; and he's a poor victim. I've stopped parenting him. I just let him be and am working on me.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 2:19 pm 
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Amanda, I really, really know how you feel. My father (who would have been 92 today) chewed horribly! So did his parents and sisters and cousins. Eating with them was something else! Me and my sister developed this sensitivity when we were in high school. We started eating in our bedroom. Neither of us would want to sit next to him when we went out to dinner. I am extremely sensitive!

This problem is "sort of" psychological. I mean, it's not like we're crazy or anything. But it's sort of like there's some breakdown in the brain as to how we process these sounds. My H, who is an audiologist, told me he couldn't help me with it. You would need either a psychologist or some kind of language therapist to help with it. For me, right now, I am not going to bring it up with my T. I have other more important things I want to deal with. But maybe at one point I will. It does impact my quality of life. It makes it hard to be out in public, especially in movies or restaurants.

I'm trying to be better about it, but it's hard. Maybe that's why I tend to be more of a hermit lately. I like being alone and having my house quiet. If there's noise, it has to be MY noise. I had a big deal with neighbors a few years ago because they had this dog and they left it outside at dinner time. It barked and barked and barked. I got into a few arguments with them about it. Finally they moved, but I had to eat dinner with ear plugs in.

I think at least knowing what it is makes things better. It shows that we're NOT crazy! I don't think your father is doing this on purpose. That's just the way he is. And I doubt he would change. So you've just got to learn how to cope, even if it means wearing ear plugs or whatever. That's the best I can come up with. If I find more information I'll pass it along to you!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 10:57 pm 
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I was agitated today (he ate 2 apples!) I tried some "exposure therapy." I forced myself to sit through it and endure it. I self-talked myself through the rage - Amanda, you're over-reacting. It's just a noise. It can't do me any harm. God, it was hard work. I wanted to plug my fingers in my ears. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to rush out of the room, or turn the stereo up.

I wanted to video record him and play it back to him. It was disgusting - not only the sounds, but the mouth action and seeing the food churning around in there. Accckkkkk.

How can a person eat like that and not know there is something wrong with it? My step-mother told him almost daily for 9 years to close his mouth and yet he never changed. In his mind he doesn't have a problem with it, so why am I making such a fuss?

Well, I'm annoyed because I know if a person actually makes an effort and closes their mouth when they eat, they can reduce the noise considerably (I know this as I have 3 children who've been taught manners when it comes to eating.) It may still be a level that will irritate me, but nowhere near half as bad. I honestly think eating with ones mouth open is bad manners and a behaviour that with a little conscious effort could be changed. All behaviour can be changed if a person really wants to, so that's what makes me think he doesn't want to. I'm not convinced that he can't do anything about it. I think he choses to not do anything about it.

Acckk - I know I'm ranting. I've just had enough of my home being invaded. Yeah, yeah, I can only change me.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 4:37 am 
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Yeah, Amanda, I can relate right now. Last night I sat on a panel discussion in front of a class of students. The woman sitting next to me was chewing gum, and was cracking it. Everytime she did it I cringed! I couldn't say anything to her, and thought "I'm being tested here." It really was a situation of me trying to practice Distress Tolerance skills. I kept telling myself the class would be over soon. I also vowed never to sit next to her again. I don't know how she can't see how disgusting it is. But we can't change them. We have to change how we react. Of course I'm not very good with this, but at least I'm aware of it now. I don't think these people do it to annoy us on purpose - they are just totally oblivious to how they sound and how it affects other people. We used to tell my father all the time, but he never changed. I don't know why. It's a huge struggle for some of us, I do know that!

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