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 Post subject: I am learning!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:36 am 
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Thought I would share my lil aha moment with you all.

I have been through a very difficult time with someone, a good friend lately. At times I really thought about walking away, as in do the whole I am not going to talk to you anymore thing. But part of me also, felt that the amount of time / history between us was worth something.

Despite a lot of her very hurtful comments and her at times insistance on shoving blame my way. I have been able for once in my life, to stand up for myself. By that I don't mean battering her either. Just to accept that is how she sees things but not how I do.

At first it gave me a really hard time. I took a lot of the things she said very personally, doubted myself etc... then I tried something very different for me and decided I just wasn't any of those things she was saying, that she was just having a hard time of it. That I could be empathetic to her situation without having to give in and make her feel better and put myself down in the process.

I have learned that it is ok to look after myself. I have learned that people pleasing and bending to someones every want is not necessary in order for a friendship / relationship to survive. That boundaries work and enforcing them works even better. That I can trust my gut when it says something is wrong, without having to justify to myself why. It's not always me that is in the wrong either.

A few years ago my psych nurse advised me to learn to be single. To stop trying to enter relationships as I seemed to be in a pattern of bad ones. I held onto this idea until late last year when I started trying again, and things still went pretty not great. So I stepped out again and decided to be single. Again still not knowing why it was a good idea, just on blind trust that it was better than being in awful relationships. The loneliness has been a killer at times. Now I can see why it has been such a good idea. My sense of self was always about what others thought of me, and not about what I thought of myself. Being single has allowed me to get to know myself without being pushed and shoved around by other peoples opinions of me.

What I have finally learned though is that I matter, that I count. That I can look after myself and still be there for others. That I have to put me first and that doing so makes me feel good!

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Tracy formerly known as bogit


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 Post subject: Re: I am learning!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:30 pm 
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((Tracy)) big steps!!!

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 Post subject: Re: I am learning!
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:53 am 
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Thanks Jody!

Reading it back to myself it all sounds quite simple, yep set the boundaries,stick to them, use the tools, don't take things personally, be impeccable with your word etc..

I guess really, it was about this whole discovery of self worth and feeling it, not just thinking it, or wishing I could have it, or going on what I thought I was about. But actually really knowing me, feeling ok with me, liking myself enough to stand firm in my convictions. The responses from there have become a litle more felt not head knowledge in action. (I wish I could explain it better than this)

Ya know the fake it til you make it thing. I guess I feel I made it. It all clicked into place. Is a great feeling.

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Tracy formerly known as bogit


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 Post subject: Re: I am learning!
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:09 pm 
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i think you explained it very well! and your right!

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 Post subject: Re: I am learning!
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:43 pm 
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Very well done, ((Tracy))!


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