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 Post subject: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:32 pm 
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I did it. I said goodbye. I told Chris not to text me, not to email me .. I told him that I need to have no contact with him for awhile because I'm not over him and it is too hard when I hear from him because it messes with my head too much. I deleted him as a friend from myspace. That was huge for me ... to delete him as a friend. What is it about letting go that is so damn hard? But, I did it...everytime he contacts me I'm upset for at least two days and that is not healthy for me. I need him to stay away so I can take care of myself and I told him that. One part of me is proud that I"m finally to the point where I can say that and really mean it and one part of me is so incredibly sad. But I accept that feeling sad about this situation is okay and normal. It was a long relationship, I"m not going to get over it in a few months. I accept that. I have been trying really hard to refind myself, redefine myself, and really be okay with who I am as a person. I took a huge step today by deleting him, and even though it doesn't feel good in the moment, I do know it was the best step I could take to take care of myself. And, I am grateful for that.

In this moment, I can choose to be healthy, happy and free.

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:03 am 
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Hooray!! Hooray!! Hooray!!!

Great news! Go reward yourself today for making such a big step!!!


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:06 am 
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Quote:
In this moment, I can choose to be healthy, happy and free.


Way to go, Pip!!


:hobbes :hobbes


This is a huge step; I congratulate you!

P.S. what a great mantra, don't you think?

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BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:37 am 
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Thanks guys for the words of encouragement. Feeling a little sad today, but that is only to be expected I think.

H - yes it is a good personal mantra!

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:12 pm 
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Good for you Pip....you were good to yourself today. I know you feel sad.....maybe accepting that feeling and knowing that it is a very healthy and normal response to the end of a close friendship will help you feel a little better about it?

i hope you can see that the world is open to you now ......and there is so much to do and to discover you'll be busy for the rest of your life if you choose to explore...!!

((Pip))


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:13 pm 
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Good for you, pip!

I know it's painful, but it really is best. It is so very difficult for anybody to remain "friends," or even just have contact, with an ex -- that's true for people with no mental health problems, but even more intensely for those of us who do. Our emotional rawness makes it horrendous when we have to deal with constant reminders of being separated from somebody we care about. It's better to just cut off contact altogether if there's no way for a reconciliation to take place.

Allow yourself a new burst of grief, but feel confident that you'll feel better soon -- it should be much easier to go about the refinding and redefining of yourself when you're not constantly being confronted about the end of your relationship with Chris.

Hang in there -- you're a survivor!

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I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:59 am 
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Ah, thanks guys. You made me cry. lol. (not in a bad way)

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:43 pm 
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Pip: I did the same thing recently with someone who was very toxic and unavailable to me. I wrote him a big long email and knew I was risking losing him forever by writing this, but I pushed thru the uncomfortableness and the tears KNOWING that I needed to do this for myself (for once). I told him we both have things to work on. He had just gotten back from Iraq and needed to reconnect with his family again, I needed to work on recovery. I couldn't do that and try to maintain a relationship with him. So I did the same...deleted him from Facebook because reading his updates everyday just made it too hard. But it's a HUGE step to do that and recognize that doing that is healthy! So yes, celebrate after the tears. Allow yourself some mild grieving time, but look forward to your "me" time!

In my heavy dating years, I always had this general rule of thumb: Take however long you dated someone, divide that time in half and that is how much time you should take to re-center yourself before allowing yourself to date again. Obviously if you were with someone for over a year, 6 months should do the trick. It seemed harmless and I really felt like a much more whole person after that "me" time.

Be well Pip!!

Sandy


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 Post subject: Re: saying goodbye
PostPosted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:43 pm 
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Good job! I too am delaing with a breakup- but I haven't heard from my ex at all- not even to acknowledge the email I sent to break up with her- so it is good to read your posting and remember that it is better for me this way. Sometimes I want to try and contact her- but everytime I don't, I get one step closer to being free, I have another good insight, or grow a little stronger in who I am.

I know the myspace friend delete is huge- I haven't gotten that far yet, so I applaude you for taking that step. I know I will be there some day, but for now, I just changed my settings so her info doesn't pop up on my facebook newsfeed- however, I Still end up checking her page from time to time- and that is never ever good for me- so that is why I know I will need to delete her as a friend at some point. So, good for you for taking this huge step in the right direction. I will remember that I am actually better off not hearing from my ex- sometimes I am tempted to explore "why isn't she contacting me? what does it mean? is she mad at me?"- but mostly I just don't go there. Deleting would be good for me- so why is it so hard? I guess I am holding on....

sorry for the "threadjack"- You are doing great, and it is normal and natural to be sad after a longterm relationship ends- even if it is for the better, so, keep up the good work. It is great that you were able to set those boundries with him. good job!!

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As Gloria Gaynor sez "I will survive" and no longer choose a name like sadgirl66, I am becoming happyhealinggirl66.


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