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 Post subject: I love acceptance. It always helps calm me down.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 12:36 am 
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Basic Principles of Accepting Reality
Accepting reality does not mean you have to like the circumstances. Some tools to help you accept reality are breathing, half smile, awareness.
For Example: Radical Acceptance: I have suicidal thoughts all the time but it doesn't mean I like having them or will act on them.

I don't like that this person upsets me. I don't like that I see them and my buttons are pushed. I felt bad when I left but I am safe now. I did not act on my feelings. I responded like an adult and came home. Now I am in my living room and I feel very secure. I am breathing right now. I am calming myself down. I do not have to be afraid. No one is hurting me. No one is abandoning me.

Cultivate a WILLING response to each situation
Willingness is doing just what is needed in each situation, in an unpretentious way. It is focusing on effectiveness.
Willingness is listening very carefully to your WISE MIND, acting from your inner self.
Willingness is becoming aware of your connection to the universe - to the earth, to the floor you are standing on, to the chair you are sitting on, to the person you are talking to.
Ask yourself, in 5 years from now, will the situation that causes the distress matter?

My wise mind is telling me that I really am doing the best that I can. Yes, I smoked, but I could have done a lot worse. I left the situation, and felt the panic start to subside. I accept that this situation upsets me. I accept that I cannot control what other people do. I am breathing. I hear the fan. I feel connected to this chair, the floor, the room. All things are connected. I am not floating alone in this universe. Even if I am feeling alone, I know that it is not true. All things are connected.

My wise mind is telling me that I really took care of myself tonight. That it is all right for me to have flaws. That it is not my job to get people to like me or accept me. That I am a good person, and am really doing the best I can. In 5 years, this situation will not feel so intense. It will be only a memory, if I remember it at all.

Willfulness is like sitting on your hands when action is needed, refusing to make changes that are needed.
Willfulness causes you to fight any suggestions that will improve the distress and thus make it more tolerable.
Willfulness is giving up.
It is the opposite of doing what works, of being effective. Willfulness is trying to fix every situation or refusing to tolerate the distressful moment.

I do not have to fix this. It is not mine to fix. I can stand being uncomfortable. I am only responsible for my part. I can stand painful feelings. They are only feelings. They cannot hurt me. I did what I needed to do. I left a situation that triggered me. That was effective. And I'm being affective right now because I am writing about it. I’m not pretending that I’m okay. I’m getting it out on paper and working through it. I can work through my feelings. I know that they are only temporary. Like waves. They come and go. I see this fear as a wave. This fear of abandonment is like a wave. Coming and going. It doesn’t have the power to hurt me. I can feel the pain. I really can. I don’t have to fix everything right now. I don’t have to resolve this right now. I can just continue breathing and calming myself.

Acceptance of reality requires an act of CHOICE. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road and away form the rejecting reality road.
You have to make an inner COMMITMENT to accept. The commitment to accept does not itself equal acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step.
You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes, you have to make the commitment many times in the space of a few minutes.

I accept this situation. I accept these people for who they are. It is not my job to fix them. It is not my job to control them. I can’t make them do what I want. I am in pain because I try to do just that. I am in pain because I am expecting someone to do what I want, and I am in pain because they don’t do it. I can accept people for who them are and let them be who they are. When I accept this, I can feel peace. I can accept reality because it is the road to peace. When I try to control I am rejecting reality. I’m trying to make people into what I want them to be, which is a lie, because people are who they are, and I cannot change that.

Freedom from suffering requires ACCEPTANCE FROM DEEP WITHIN.
It is allowing yourself to go completely with whatever the situation is. Let go of fighting reality.
Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT the pain.
Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE.
ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.
To accept something is not the same as judging it to be good.
By stopping your self from fighting, the rage or anger you feel will dissipate as long as you continue to accept your condition or your faulty perceptions to events or interpersonal communications difficulties. You will be amazed at how much better you will feel when you are able to accept.

I accept that B is going to keep doing what he does. I accept deep in my gut that my freaking out and fear is not going to change him. I can let go of the situation. I can let go of the relationship. I can allow B to be who he is. I can allow B and H to become friends. I don’t have to fear them leaving me, because when I hold on, and fear, I am holding on to suffering. If I let go of them, I let go of suffering. I can feel the sting of their actions, but I know that it is okay to feel it. It is okay to see it for what it was. It is okay. I am okay. I am already much calmer. I don’t have to like this but I can withstand it. Feeling the fear is the only way out of suffering. When I hold onto fear, I try to control. I reject reality and I suffer. What is, is. B is going to do what he is going to do. He is going to like who he is going to like. Just because he likes someone else doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like me. I can accept two people being friends who are friends of mine. When I let them be who they are, and I let the situation evolve, without trying to control it, I am so much calmer. I tend to jump to conclusions. I tend to catrastrophize. I don’t have to do that anymore. There is nothing to be afraid of. Accepting reality is already calming me down because I don’t have to work so hard. It feels good to not have to work so hard. To just let things be.
Whew! That feels so much better!

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