I have BPD as well as anorexia. I began my 1st REAL recovery (I've been ana most of my life since the age of 9 with weak recovery in-between, and I'm in my early 30's now!!), this past September.
I had a very difficult weekend. Hubby went away. Usually I would binge on sugar to numb out or feel suicidal. I would also cling to him and cry when he left. I WANTED him to have the space to take a bike trip and have some alone time. I however did not want to feel so alone and abandoned!
When he left, I sent him off with sexy kisses instead of tears! I saw some videos by myself and even made some vegan carob brownies! I also treated myself to homemade eggplant "parm" made with tofu...I'd never made it before! and a bit of wine. I felt independent, pampered, and very much grown up
![;)](./images/smilies/wink2.gif)
Yesterday I felt fat. I ate brownies and fried food (eggplant "parm" is made fried), plus I've had my period for a week now! I wanted to starve...but I DIDN'T do it!! That evil voice in my head tried SO hard to get me to starve myself. I found myself hungy when I woke up from a nap. And I ate. I was so hungry....I didn't want to be! I wanted my hunger to cease to exist.
I still can't believe I ate!
![:)](./images/smilies/smile.gif)
Ok, so I think I need to col it with the fried food for now.
![;)](./images/smilies/wink2.gif)
It's not ery healthy. I'll have the leftovers when my fam comes this coming weekend. In the meantime, I need to just keep eating! :-)
I'm so proud of my many accomplishments and growth! Eating, being more independent...these are huge strides! *blushing*
Thanks for reading...hope we are all having successes today ((hugs))
love~