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 Post subject: I am still eating!!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:06 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:26 pm
Posts: 12
Location: wherever there is love, peace and light, you will find me singing!
I have BPD as well as anorexia. I began my 1st REAL recovery (I've been ana most of my life since the age of 9 with weak recovery in-between, and I'm in my early 30's now!!), this past September.

I had a very difficult weekend. Hubby went away. Usually I would binge on sugar to numb out or feel suicidal. I would also cling to him and cry when he left. I WANTED him to have the space to take a bike trip and have some alone time. I however did not want to feel so alone and abandoned!

When he left, I sent him off with sexy kisses instead of tears! I saw some videos by myself and even made some vegan carob brownies! I also treated myself to homemade eggplant "parm" made with tofu...I'd never made it before! and a bit of wine. I felt independent, pampered, and very much grown up ;)

Yesterday I felt fat. I ate brownies and fried food (eggplant "parm" is made fried), plus I've had my period for a week now! I wanted to starve...but I DIDN'T do it!! That evil voice in my head tried SO hard to get me to starve myself. I found myself hungy when I woke up from a nap. And I ate. I was so hungry....I didn't want to be! I wanted my hunger to cease to exist.

I still can't believe I ate! :) Ok, so I think I need to col it with the fried food for now. ;) It's not ery healthy. I'll have the leftovers when my fam comes this coming weekend. In the meantime, I need to just keep eating! :-)

I'm so proud of my many accomplishments and growth! Eating, being more independent...these are huge strides! *blushing*

Thanks for reading...hope we are all having successes today ((hugs))

love~


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 Post subject: Re: I am still eating!!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:33 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:39 am
Posts: 134
Location: UK
Well done! You're doing great. :thumbsup

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AKA Echoeslikehorses | Sirius Project: Self-Help for Self-Harm

"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming." - Helen Keller


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