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 Post subject: gratitude list
PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:44 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
I used to be really good at this- I would do my list at least twice a day - in the last 2 years I have not really been able to make this list...gradually tepering off to crisis management in my relationship, focusing on his high and negative emotions, letting myself become depressed and anxious in the negativity and chaos around me...forgetting myself and being drawn into another.

So the first on my list is

i stopped doing that.

I took my agoraphoboa by the horns, first in baby steps, then by moving accross the country and living by myself again.

then I went out and got a life in this new place and went places with people i just met.

i completed a course I had wanted to do for 2 years

I signed up for the next one, starts today.

I started to take control over the boundaries i had let fall in my relationship

in baby steps I have found ways to keep fit- it's not how i used to be- sports 4 hours a day- but it was something

I started looking to expand my own understanding of certain things (existential questions, god the nature of the universe) and realized i was able to listen to people who might be crackpots, but might have some valuable insights..dunno

i became more patient with myself.

i realized that i am not all the bad things my family says I am and learnt to disengage from them. FINALLY.

i finally took seriously that my life means something and I do deserve to have a good one.

I had some insights into striving and nagging and my own flaws where compassion and bad boundaries part ways...

i am a wreck, look like a hag, feel horrible and lost and lot's of other things a lot of the time...but I still feel happy in many ways, self assured and like everything is really going to be ok because i am ok. Fundamentally, i am ok.


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 Post subject: Re: gratitude list
PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:46 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
hey, it does sound like you have a lot of GOOD stuff going on.

let the good stuff overwrite the bad stuff!!! yay!


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 Post subject: Re: gratitude list
PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 3:02 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
thanks for the YAAAY girlfriend!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: gratitude list
PostPosted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 6:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
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most welcome :)


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 Post subject: Re: gratitude list
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 8:23 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
Even though I was suicidally depressed yesterday morning I still managed to eat breakfast (that's a mood adjuster if there ever was one) and call the realtor. I DID IT!

I managed to get into the new condo.

i did bail on my friends for a church thing, but I was just too bloody tired, that's all there is to it.

Instead I went out shopping for food for the new place- that is a non negotiable no matter how tired a person is- new place, literally no food- and it was an anxiety provoking thing to be around my x who was the person taking me (no car, me physically disabled)...

i was so tired I thought I would vomit, but I went...I was anxiety ridden, but I went...

now i am debating going this morning and I am totally exhausted...but I know I should go and see people...I have to call my friend and see if she wants to go...

I am going to eat something and then think about it...


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