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Sanboeufl
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Post subject: Days like today keep me alive. Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:30 pm |
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Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:16 pm Posts: 9
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Today started out bad. I felt that terrible emptiness and it was crushing me. I begged God or Buddha or whoevers up there to help me. I said I can't do this alone out loud and a little voice in my head that usually tells me I'm a terrible person told me to reach out. I was sure I would be judged or end up hating myself even more but I told myself I had to try. I called an old friend and she listened. I called a family member I thought had forgotten me and they offered me a solution to a problem that has caused me much guilt pain and sadness. I told my bf how I felt and he told me he loved me and knew we could make it work. A check came today I wasn't expecting for another week. Sometimes I question Gods existence. But I realize that if he/she does exist he'd want me to have to earn it. That's just the way of life. I hope I can continue making steps in the right direction. I don't know if I quite believe in myself yet but what can it hurt to try?
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Ash
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Post subject: Re: Days like today keep me alive. Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:37 pm |
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:00 pm Posts: 3007 Location: Denver
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Congratulations!
That's a fantastic day! And not just cuz a check showed up.
More so, the reaching out that YOU did was fantastic. It can be extra-super-duper-uber scary to reach out and express that vulnerability and naked truth ("I'm scared you'll leave me") but that's truly the most effective form of communication. Just being honest and direct about what you're feeling. Ask for help. State what's bothering you. Speak up. No one else knows what's going on in your brain or heart unless you tell them. Panicking & freaking-out over imagined abandonment gets you nowhere but Depressed ... PDQ.
I'm proud of you, Sanboeufl. I hope you're proud of yourself too!
_________________ Like BPD Recovery on Facebook. Follow BPD_Recovery on Twitter.
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Sanboeufl
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Post subject: Re: Days like today keep me alive. Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:59 pm |
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Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:16 pm Posts: 9
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I honestly do feel I won a battle today and ur positive feedback reinforces this for me. Thanku!!!
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dagwood
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Post subject: Re: Days like today keep me alive. Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:44 am |
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm Posts: 819 Location: sarasota
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Yep, it never hurts to try. And, sometimes things work out
dagwood
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