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I am new to this, and only recently diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar II but have struggling with BPD for a long time before the diagnosis. I'm now working with a psychiatrist and am on meds.
I hit rock bottom recently and basically regressed to a child-like state after several "raging" episodes, inability to eat, work, etc. I never thought I would say this - but this post isn't about how bad I got, or about my messed up past, or even about how every day can be a chaotic experience - it's about all the things I am trying to work on and how reading posts on forums such as these really help me. I find strength in knowledge and courage in unity and so, since the diagnosis, I have not stopped reading every little bit of material I can get my hands on.
Today, I am proud of myself for waking up this morning and getting out of bed.
I then drove by myself and didn't make a phone call to anyone and everyone while I was driving because I couldn't stand the loneliness. I am proud of myself for allowing myself to embrace the quiet - just me and the music.
I dropped off my car for its service and came upstairs, by myself, and sat here and journaled everything I was feeling and thinking, instead of unloading on to my partner/friend.
I am proud of myself for that.
It's my first instinct to say "I know it doesn't seem like much" and in fact, I typed that very line but deleted it straight away. For this is a big deal for me - I can't stand being alone. I can't stand not having someone there; either on the phone or next to me. So this IS a big step for me.
I am proud of myself for having the guts and clarity to type this right now.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share this. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and experiences. I have just discovered this forum and have been devouring the "Tool Shed" posts and all the posts from the users here.
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