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 Post subject: Why do I do this to myself?
PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2012 8:32 pm 
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So about 12 days ago, I posted here as a new member talking about this debilitating loneliness I was struggling with. A number of members responded with some very warm and thoughtful comments. I decided I didn't want to wallow in my despair and so, for a little while, started to feel better. I focused on my work and my family, my two sons that is, and for a little while things seemed okay. The problem was this - my therapist has cancer and so has had to cancel several appointments in a row, a pattern that has been going on for a couple months now - and because I just feel so abandoned, I stopped going. Bad, I know, but I just feel like I can't endure any more rejection - and by my therapist of all people! (Yes, of course, I KNOW he's not rejecting me - he's life/death sick but my own sickness just can't seem to tolerate this now.)

So what do I do instead? Join an on-line dating site and set myself up for more rejection opportunities. For instance, a man that I really seemed to click with through email suddenly stops responding to me. I have read over the latest email I sent, and honestly? - I don't understand. There's nothing different there.

Here's the problem. I KNOW none of this has anything to do with me. So why do I feel like it does? Why can't I stop obsessing over this man who I haven't even met??? That is crazy.


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 Post subject: Re: Why do I do this to myself?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2012 10:11 am 
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Benu,

What steps have you taken to find a new therapist? I think that would be a good use of your time and effort. Not that you don't appreciate the things your curent (ill) therapist has done for you. He doesn't seem to be able to support you the way you need and it's important that each of you focus on doing what's best for each as individuals - he may need to stop practicing entirely; you need to get into a consisent therapy program of some sort. Your ill therapist may have recommendations for you if you're not sure where to start.

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 Post subject: Re: Why do I do this to myself?
PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2012 10:40 am 
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Thank you for suggestions, Ash. Interestingly enough, just yesterday, I called my therapist's office because my oldest son is going to start seeing one of his colleagues. Unfortunately, my therapist was not available to talk yesterday, although I am going to try again to set up an appointment with him in order to get some suggestions about what to do because just stopping was indeed no good.

I am also really trying to focus on getting my things in order for returning to teach next week instead of obsessing over my rejections in the world of internet (and non-Internet!) dating. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something? Smile.


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 Post subject: Re: Why do I do this to myself?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 1:18 pm 
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I have been on this one online dating site for -years-. Even when I had a boyfriend, I would just be there to make friends.

Truth is, when you're just emailing back and forth, even if someone likes you, people tend to be very flaky and disappear from time to time. See if you can set up a date in real life right away, or even a phone call. :) Then it really clicks that you're a real person.


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