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 Post subject: Listening to myself, ignoring external noise
PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:58 pm 
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This isnt but is a big thing- well sorta- for me.

Often I am busy trying to please others and somewhat cower or at least bend to what I think would please them. Likewise, there isnt a whole lot that I'm really attached to; not a lot of demands & have-to's on my list of living a good life. Well, in this instance, I had to make a choice and be satisfied with it. And, it was one of those that I could have come to regret- depending on my choice and what transpired.

First off, I thought I picked a good week for taking a trip across country only to find out that our deadlines at work were moved up a week this year. Thing is, I didn't find out until I had already made the plans so I went to the boss and asked about it. He felt it would be ok, so I kept the reservations. So, I've been dealing with the should I/shouldnt I over this for quite awhile especially since I take a lead role at this time of year. I however have been trying to keep work in perspective.

Second, at Xmas we found out my dad's health had been greatly compromised with only months ahead of him. So, since Xmas, I've been debating what to do re my vacation.

About 2-3 wks ago I told H I wasnt sure I'd be comfortable leaving home. We agreed to wait things out and see what transpired. Dad has been going back and forth, but recently somewhat down hill.

Hard as it was, I chose, just yesterday, tho have been leaning that way, to cancel our trip. I still waivered given how chaotic work has been. Being out of the area and totally distracted seemed like a perfect way to regain balance and composure. H loves to travel and was looking forward to this as much as I. Thing was, I didnt want to be across the country out of reach from my dad even tho it was unlikely that anything drastic would occur. And while I almost justified to myself that nothing 'would' occur, I felt that I needed to be around to see/experience any changes.

Tonite I am proud of my decision. Even tho I still felt getting away was really needed I am glad I chose not to. It would have been easy to say 'well it was pre-paid/pre-planned'. And, internally I could have used H as an excuse- not letting him down. Thing is, in the past I have regretted taking the easy way out or doing things for the benefit of others or taking a course of action that felt safer/less intense/emotional.

Tonite I received an update that dad is not doing so great. If I had taken my trip I would be packing tonite and catching an early morning train to take me clear across the country. Returning home would have been a 10-hour ordeal, minimum While there isnt anything I can do, and while sudden turn of events are not likely I am here to receive the news. I can visit when dad is up for it. I can see him thru/while these changes occur. And, this is what drove my decision. I didnt want to return home to find dad in some state very different than when I left.

I have no idea (yet) what I will be doing on this vacation. 3 other plans we tried to make after chosing to stay home have fallen thru (each would have been a 1-niter out of town). So, the week is wide open, and I am seeing that as a bonus- I am trying to find some local / day get aways. I think vacation will be just fine- I am leaving work behind and that is what really counts.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:03 am 
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Smilin,

Vacation is as vacation does. No work, time to catch up with you, time to take pressure off of must dos and turn some attention to would like tos.

I am pleased that you are happy with your decision, and that you have made it from a what is best for you at this time perspective. Especially with what is going on with your Dad.

I am very much the sort of person that puts others ahead of myself, at the very time when I need me the most, and can see how big a thing this would be! Looks like you are taking care of you.

I hope you have a pleasant vacation from work right by home!

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Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.-Washington Irving


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 9:08 am 
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((Smilin))

Hope your decision is still sitting well with you. How is your vacation going?

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Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.-Washington Irving


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