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 Post subject: Positive experiences with dad
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:54 pm 
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I have to admit guys, I am totally amazed but, I seem to have mellowed out or something, or maybe dad has chilled out a little, but I'm finding myself listening to him, having conversations with him, not feeling rattled, stressed and bothered by him being here all day. He seems to have changed in some ways, but I'm also thinking how much progress I've made since I saw him 2 and a bit years ago.

The best news though is he informed me that he has "seen the light" with regards to his drinking habits and in the 4 days that he's been here, he's only had 1 glass of red wine. I just thought he was being on good behaviour, after the boundaries I set about drink last year, but it seems that he's got some health issues and he's decided to change his ways. So obviously his mood is different because he's not "hanging out for a drink" not hung-over, or sleep deprived. He's obvously not so vocal and loud, swearing and being abusive because he's not plastered with drink. The kids are more relaxed around him and my H isn't drinking up large just to keep dad company and I'm feeling really happy about that. I know that drunk people triggers me and that that is my stuff, but it is my home and I do have a right to feel safe in my own home.

So I'm feeling quite relaxed & quite safe and we're communicating, instead of me feeling irritable, wound up and wanting to run a mile from him. i can attribute some of this to changes that I've made - working through my unresolved issues surrounding my dad, my meds for anxiety and feeling like I have more control over the situation because I've learned about boundaries and separation of stuff.

Rather than say it's all dad that's changed or all me that's changed, I'm recognising positive growth on both our parts. Maybe the nxt month isn't going to be so bad, maybe even healing for my relationship with my dad. :biggrin


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:04 pm 
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Yep, you've got some powerful new tools that serve you well, Amanda.

Hope the rest of the way is as healthy as the start.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 4:33 pm 
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I am so glad things are going so much better than expected.

good work to both of you.

_________________
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. - Garrison Keillor


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 10:13 pm 
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What a relief, Amanda!


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:08 am 
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:( Ah well, guys, I thought it was too good to be true. He saw the light for a week, then switched it off again. He's been hitting the booze the last 5 days/nights. The abnoxious, abusive, language and behaviour has started. COunting down the days until March 10th


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:35 am 
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I'm sorry, Amanda. You must feel very disappointed in addition to the annoyance and anger that must come with the change. What can you do to nudge your focus back to your health? Is there any way to use some of the Tools as helpers or sources of strength or encouragement in this struggle?


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:31 am 
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(((Amanda)))
Dang, that sucks.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 9:10 pm 
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Completely gutted. Thought he was for real, but then my close friend, C reminded me that he did this last time too. He told me he'd lay off the booze and did so for 4 days, and then started. This time he did 8 days. Funny how I have such a short memory. I guess I chose to trust and believe and to give people second (or more) chances :/ Stupid me!

Ok back to me. Don't take it personally springs to mind. He can abuse me, swear at me, behave like a total dickhead around me and I can separate stuff and not take it personally. No probs. no worries. I can even go to my friends place - she offered the sleep-out as a safe place for me. But my kids? Different story eh? Kids take shit personally. I guess I just keep talking to them behind the scenes.

2 more weeks to go. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!


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