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 Post subject: Connecting thought and emotion!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 1:14 am 
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I had to share this cos well I just had the most amazing experience with my daughter last night. I am so chuffed.

I have had some mini lil lightbulb moments lately. Actually I not sure lighbulbs is the right expression more a coming together of thoughts and feelings. I have so struggled with emotions, allowing them leaving them be, not passing judgement. Have been working with this for some time.

There is often at times I have discovered since I started this journey moments where doing something because it is the healthy option seems to connect way deep down somewhere in my soul and becomes a course of action that feels like absolutely this is how I really wanted it to be without me even knowing it.

You know the whole fake it til you make it scenario. Well I think I made it here today.

So this lil moment I had with my daughter earlier was one of those moments. Where I have known what is the right way to respond or react based on knowledge, from advice from other parents, from not wanting to be like my own mum, from numerous parenting classes and well it all clicked with things I have been observing on the board lately people talking about their experiences with their own mothers, connecting in some of my own excperiences and have been processing somethings from my own childhood mainly surrounding feelings etc... I have been observing a lot.

I came to realise I carry a lot of bad person / bad mother messages. Instinctive thoughts reactions, that are tamed using the tools and knowledge, I can untwist the bad mother message for sure and have many, many times, often now in the moment. But today had a moment of emotional instinctive response, to my daughter's emotions.

She was frustrated, at a pic on the net, trying to get it to fit in her lil net discussion. I observed her little pick u the nearest object and throw it response and my instinct had me grab hold of her and hold her, and say whats up? She cried and held onto me for a min. Then managed to explain exactly what had her so.

See usually my daughter will throw something as she did today.
Gut reaction for me, that I work so hard not to show is damn what have I done wrong, she is throwing something. I make the situation so much more in my mind, then have to set about working out the appropriate response, in this very small amount of time she is angry and shouting and lashing out. Which is another behaviour wish needs a diff response. Today that didn't happen, cos instinctively I saw she was frustratated she has within healthy bounds reactions to things, its me that doesnt respond within the healthy instinctive emotional response. I haven't been able to teach her about emotions cos I have never been able to cope well with my own. Not that I haven't been learning.

Well today we connected and I mean really connected, we went on to get her pic to work and she invited me to hang out with her while she chatted football online wih her mates on her school website.

At bed time she hung around not wanting to break this connection, and usually is so good about going to bed, again I noticed instinctively without thought this isn't rebellion this is enjoyment of being around eachother and wanting to hang on to the moment, so I took her up and tucked her into bed and she settled down with the sweetest smile on her face. A picture of contentment.

I so hope this is the start of something good. Anyway I just wanted to share.

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Tracy formerly known as bogit


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 5:40 am 
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Yay for you! :thumbsup

It's wonderful when we have that connection with our kids. I think we also have to realize that not everything out kids do or think is "about us." This is something I am still struggling with, and my son is almost 30 years old! It's not all about me. (I hope I'm reading this right, by the way).

I think kids learn by example. For instance, my mother when I was a child yelled a lot and banged closet doors when she got angry. So that is what I picked up from her instinctively. While my son was growing up, I didn't know anything about BPD so didn't have tools and knowledge to curb that behavior in myself. I wish I had.

So you have the tools and can help her while she's still young. That is so super-cool! And of course it will bring you closer. Also because she sees you're not judging her. You have great instincts! This is a real feel-proud-of-yourself moment! I'm picturing you and her at her computer, just being together. What a beautiful picture!!!!

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:28 am 
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For some reason, Tracy, this wonderful experience reminds me a lot of the notion of Wise Mind. A powerful, mostly spontaneous convergence of our thrashing around in Emotion Mind and Rational Mind with the electric intuitive spark of love under pressure.

Not at all unlike Frankenstein (that's a compliment).. "OK, Igor, hit the juice!!!" "It's ALIVE" !!!! And it's oh, so beautiful. Yay, Tracy!!! I had way to few of those with my kids. Absolutely priceless moments. And you can make them whenever you want.


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