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 Post subject: 2 weeks out....
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:16 pm 
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I have been out of the hospital for 2 weeks and I have not injured myself at all. I am very proud of myself. It has been a very long time (years) since I have gone a period of time like this without injuring. I have beeen a perpetual self-abuser since I was 9 years old.

Also, I am going to start some psychosocial rehabilitation next week. I am very nervous about it but I am not backing away. I would usually run from any socal interaction.

Although, I am still struggling with depressive symptoms, I am keeping myself safe, taking my meds and starting to get involved with therapy. I am going to survive through this. Amen


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:40 pm 
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Wow!

That is fantastic, 2 weeks is a long time. Thank you for sharing such amazing progress. You have every reason to be proud of yourself.

Sounds like you are working really hard, have you thought of a way to treat / reward yourself for all this work.

:woohoo

Is really hard isn't it to push through the nerves and try out new things, but you are doing it, let us know how it goes.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:50 pm 
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My reward is knowing that I have the power to overcome this horrible addiction and that I can be socal.

I am also sitting at a coffee shop right now enjoying a cup of "real" coffee with caffine, sugar, and even some whipped cream. I usually feel too guilty to drink such thing. I am a decaf, no whip, skim milk kind of girl.

I think I may also treat myself to a NEW nintendo game today. One of my fovorite pass times is playing my nintendo ds. I have found that when I am upset, angry, or confused... I can pick it up and clear my mind for awile. So, this is a copeing skill for me. I really should not spend the money for a new game but I am going to think of it as part of my recovery.

Juju


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:58 pm 
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Real coffee, whipped cream and sugar, sounds just my sort of reward. Enjoy!

I like how you see the power to beat addiction as a reward in itself, defiantely a great feeling. Being social brings its own rewards too. :D

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 4:25 pm 
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The coffee was great. However, today I went back to my skim, no whip, sugar-free variety. It is enjoyable, just not as bad for me.

I am really struggling today. I have been thinking about self-injury more and more each day. I miss that old friend!

I am not going to back myself into a corner though. I am going to continue to be safe and try my best to use my DBT skills as often as possible.

My mom, whom I am living with right now, took me out today and bought me two new shirts. One is a sweater and the other is a long sleeved dress shirt. I think she notices that I am doing much better and is trying to reward me in a way. However, she has mentioned that I am not "well". Confusing but most likely acurate. Our relationship is growing closer and she is beginning to understand where I am coming from even though she denies being abusive to me when I was younger. I am trying to live in the moment and not dwell on the past. I look at it this way... if she were not wanting to help she would not let me live in her house.

I am proud of her and I am proud of myself. We are both proving to be strong human beings.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 12:26 pm 
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Just want to quote Ash indirectly. It helps to think of an addiction as a crutch you don't need anymore, instead of a friend. As a former cutter, I get what you mean about missing it, but if you veiw it as a tool for coping with extreme feelings that you don't need anymore because you have better tools, it makes it less hard to resist. At least it did for me.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 6:36 pm 
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Location: Reality ~ It's a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there!
I have found in my own life that I can go for periods of time without even thinking about cutting (I have been cutting since I was 9 years old too). I look at the scars and wonder why I would have ever done something like that. Then there are other times I can't make it through a day without using some form of SI as a means of coping. I view it as "poor coping skills" and I have worked hard at replacing SI with more effective coping skills, even if it means using milder forms of SI that I have been using even longer.

There is no denying the fact that the endorphins released as a response to physical pain are effective in helping alleviate emotional pain. The trick is to get through the emotional pain without needing to rely on a flood of endorphins to get though it. That is where "distress tolerance" in DBT can be helpful. It was the most difficult module for me and I don't think I ever completed it, even though I attempted it several times, but I can say it was the most helpful part of DBT. I know that I have a hard time tolerating emotional distress and that my own mental illness is a means of coping that relies on escape (flight) rather than tolerance (fight).

Enjoy your freedom enough to keep it. Savor the cup of coffee and the "me-time" you have missed out on while you were hospitalized and let it be enough to keep you from doing anything that will result in being locked up again.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:15 am 
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Congratulations, jujubees! What an inspiring story. I'm so happy to hear about your success and accomplishment. I was also hospitalized numerous times in the past for SI, so I definitely feel ya. It's really hard transitioning from an environment of close observation to one in which you're the main person keeping an eye on you. Frightening and empowering at the same time. Your mom sounds like she cares about you very much, but don't let her downplay your accomplishment with the "you're not well" comments. She probably just wanted to remind you that you're still very much in a transitional period (?). Getting yourself out of the hospital IS a huge feat. I'd buy you a whole bucket of whipped cream so you could keep it in your fridge and have some with your coffee every time you deserve a "reward" for using the new skills you're learning.

Thanks so much for sharing, and good luck with the psychosocial rehab. Will you be doing that in conjunction with outpatient DBT or did you already complete that too? If not, I highly recommend outpatient, as it's very different from the inpatient form of DBT, and you get to meet all kind of awesome people in group who are struggling with the same issues and challenges as yourself. I'm so excited for you!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 6:59 pm 
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Duplicate post.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:00 pm 
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warped-
I am thrilled with my accomplishments... I just question them sometimes when it gets tough. Like today, I just wanted to sleep all day. However, I had to go to the dentist and it takes an hour and half to get there. When I finally got home all I want to do was curl up in a little ball and hide from the world.

I may consider the whole whipped cream thing. Right now though I am trying to maintain a 40 pound weight loss. I am not sure really how concwerned I am about that.

They (the new agency that I am going to) will not consider me for DBT until I go through the psychsocial rehab program for awile. They won't consider me for housing either unless I sahow that I am fully invested in my treatment. I hope it does not take to long to prove that. I need to get out of my mom's house. I love her dearly, I just don't want to live with her. I hate living by myself though. I don't think I reallyh know what I want.

I am hoping for the best in my future and I really hope I can manage on an outpatient basis. I think I am doing well for now. Thankyou so much for your input.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 3:19 pm 
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You inspire me!


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