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 Post subject: new to the board, not bpd
PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:53 am 
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hi all i'm whoami.
that basically sums up one of my main struggles with bpd and the lack identity and sense of self. Wherever i am i feel alienated and alone. I'll probably even feel it on that board, i know i feel it in my group therapy for bpd. obviously i fit most of the other diagnostic criteria as well, hense the diagnoses.

I do however have made significant improvements as far as the anger thing is concerned and do not think i fit that criteria any longer.

From reading the definitions on the site, i am a high functioning 'internal' i think they called it, bpd. I used to be the high functioning 'external' bpd in that in my first long term relationship (about 5 years) I was an absolute emotionally unstable bitch to my partner who was the most loving man in the world. As it turned out I broke up with him because I couldn't stand the life we were living (which was scarily emulating my parents - my father also had bpd) and also I wanted to see if a lot of the problems we were having were actually him - I did blame him a lot - or me.

Turns out it was me.

At that point of realization I became very depressed to the point of being hysterical 24/7. I was admitted into a youth outpatient treatment centre of mental illness. It was there, in 2005 i believe i was diagnosed as BPD. It probably would have happened sooner (the diagnosis) but since i'm not a cutter i guess it took a while for them to realise. Actually when i was first assessed i was sent to the anxiety and depression clinic. Later when I had my dx changed, my therapist that i'd been seeing at that clinic said that she thought i was bpd as soon as she met me and told the 'assessment ' team that but apparently, they're the ones that know all, and not the therapist. so my dx wasn't changed till later. Anyways I digress. While making some progress there i also made some big step backs (3 suicide attempts in 2006) and when it was time to be discharged from the treatment (not because i was better but because i was the 'youth' stage and was no longer eligable for treatment a that center) I felt an intense feeling of abandonment and rejection that i really didn't cope with.
However my therapist there did help me in a lot of ways. While there I did a group course on mindfulness behavior therapy where i learned a lot of useful skills, that i somewhat apply, but also know that if i practiced every single day, like suggested i would experience much more benefit.

Anyways treatment continued (at a different centre) until now. Earlier this year I started a new group therapy. It is a very new treatment for BPD called 'ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT THERAPY-ACT" while a lot of the time i find it very arduous I am learning a lot I guess. I am about to do the last 10 week module (it's been running most of the year). I no longer expect to be cured from this, that's a very unlikely for anyone with bpd ... but with the therapy that isn't the expectation, it's more about accepting out problems, learning better coping skills, identifying out values and committing to stick to them.

If anyone would like to know more about ACT I'd be happy to share. '
I'm 27 year old female btw.
That's all for now i guess.


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 Post subject: Re: new to the board, not bpd
PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 6:14 pm 
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Location: texas
hi and welcome! i would like to hear more about the ACT. always love to learn any new skills that can help. if you want to begin a new thread about this, i would love to get involved.

good to meet you!

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 Post subject: Re: new to the board, not bpd
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:41 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 6:00 pm
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:welcome


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 Post subject: Re: new to the board, not bpd
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 29, 2008 1:59 pm
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Did anyone start a new thread on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? I'm interested and I've looked for it but I can't find it. I'm new to the board too, so I'm not too experienced on how to find things on this site. Can someone direct me to where it might be?

Thanks!


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