BPDRecovery.com: Forums

hi,

having seperated from my husband in october, 2 weeks before the birth of our fourth child, we had been going through a whole serious of getting back,splitting up , filing for divorce all coming to a head last week when i confronted him at his parents house - fighting with him, his father, mother, sister , nephew - to the extent they called the police. the week before we were talking about getting remarried in the chapel !!!

anyway spurred an even more downward spiral with me. on top of everything i am also looking to probable bankruptcy and maybe even criminal conviction. also had lots of emotional strife with my teenage daughter. all left me feeling like running away - i wrote an email to a friend mentioning the emptiness i was feeling. he replied that he thought it sounded like a nervous breakdown. my response to that - "that'll be another one then". that is what i feel my life is like constantly in breakdown. anyway - point is i had been feeling so desperately low. i booked up a private cognitive behaviour therapy session - hoping to deal with some of the issues - which i focused on a problem with anger. in the meantime still searching for help on the web to deal with my immediate highly destructive feelings.

shocker was i came across this borderline personality disorder. i recognised this immediately as being me - being representative of my life - not just an episode in my life - but me. this is what i have been like. i am very upset as i am dealing with the thought of having a mental illness. for years though i've knew something was wrong. when i was younger i thought it was just everyone else but it got to the stage i could certainly see i had problems.

a week later i've spoke to my husband. we've agreed once more to try to make things work although he won't be moving in until after christmas (if at all). the thing is though i am so worried i can't change. i've been trying for years to change without knowing anything about bpd with little success. i adore my husband and yet i can see clearly now how abusive i have been. yes some initial problems in our marriage could be attributed to his behaviour but how i've ran with that is inexcusable.

like i say i am so worried i can't change. i can't make any promises to him - no reassurances. i've booked this cbt and ordered some self help books but how is that going to even impact a lifetime of me , how i am.

can anyone who suffers from this or has a loved one with this give me any hope for real change in this? it's like i know that my husband would be better off getting on with his life without me. any advice - anything would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome. Yes, there is hope. It's a long road, and it take stremendous effort, but there is hope. One thing that we really try to do is seperate our "stuff" from our loved ones "stuff". We can only work on ourselves, not change another. Personally, I had to concintrate on getting me better before I could work on my relationship problems. CBT is a good place to start. Also, check out the tool box on the left of this page, it has many useful items, many based on CBT ideas.

Welcome to BPDR!

The book "Putting The Pieces Together" (shown in upper left-hand corner) is written by the owner of this website - 'Ash' is 'Joy Jensen' and she has recovered from BPD. She writes about her journey of recovery in the book, so yes, there is all kinds of hope!

Again, welcome to the Site!

Candle