BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hey Ya'll,

I found this site today. I just finished reading "Get me out of here!" by Rachel Reiland, and this site is mentioned in the back of her book. I love that book.
The first time I tried to read it (about 2 years ago) I didn't get through more than 30 pages. It was very raw, very emotional, Very REAL..and I could not cope with that. This time, I read the entire book and decided that it was time for me to begin my own journey into recovery from BPD.

I was Diagnosed BPD in 1993 when I was sent to the psych unit of a military hospital for cutting. I had just got out of basic training 3 weeks earlier. While I was in boot camp I found out I was anemic and had Mono. The day I found out was 4 days before graduation and I cried to the Dr. who said he was going to send me home for a month to get well then I could come back and finish training. (If he would have sent me home, I never would have gone back to training--it was really rough). I told him I only had 4 days left, and I also did not have a home to go to. He wrote up orders for me to do NOTHING (including stand in my graduation ceremony) and I was able to stay. The last day of basic I went back the the infirmary and got another monospot test done. That time the doctor said "I hope you will be able to find this funny, your test came back negative). I told him I didn't think it was funny at all, but at least I can go to my assignment and have somewhere to stay. Before I entered basic a filling in a tooth came out and I didn't have the money to get it fixed so I let it go. When I graduated I went on to the base I was posted at and began working. I was so freaked out. I knew no one. People so scared me that when an officer walked by and I knew I had to salute him, I turned and walked in another direction just to not feel like I would get in trouble for doing something wrong. Anyway, 3 weeks later that tooth got infected and I went to the dentist. It took 3 hours (no joke) for him to pull it. I was shaking so bad and crying, but I wouldn't move b/c I thought he would get mad and hurt me if i did. He sent me to my dorm with Tylenol 3's and told me to eat something when taking them. Well...it was New Years Eve and I thought egg nog has eggs and sugar in it. If I get some of that and put some rum in it I could take the meds "with food" and be ok. I was very lonely there and scared all the time. I hadn't recovered from being freaked out by basic training and the illness and that night I tool all the Tylenols, half the rum, a little of the egg nog and cut. (I was a cutter from way back, since I was 15. I was 25 when I entered the military). Anyway, got myself put in the psych ward, got kicked out of the Air Force, went back to the town I was living in before all that began, and although I have had many ups and downs before then, that was the beginning of my crash and burn. I have been in and out of hospitals, have been diagnosed with so many different things I stopped counting, and when I was diagnosed with BPD people were not to friendly to me when they found that it was a problem for me (to be nice about it). Out of all the diagnoses I have be labeled BPD was the one I ran from the fastest and furthest.

Now, after reading that book, I think I might be able to find a place where people understand and hopefully accept me for me.

Thank you for having this site, and for sharing your selves, and thank you for seeing me.

:welcome

I haven't read the book you mentioned, but I'm glad that it has helped you. Maybe I'll try to find a copy....

It sounds like you have been through quit a bit. I've had a tooth pulled myself and it's not fun :)!! I can also identify with the stigma of a BPD diagosis...I too ran at first. Then I learned to accept and I began working to change the behaviours. For me, that has made a real difference in the way others percieve me. Better still is the new way I look at myself!

There is a great list of tools on the upper left hand side of your screen. Around here we generally focus on what we can do within ourselves to achieve healthy, happy living. The board supports us when we falter or just aren't seeing things clearly. There is plenty of good stuff on that first page that I hope you find useful, I know I did and do still.

Anyway, feel free to browse about and jump in when you feel you can help. Welcome to BPDR!

Barbara,

Welcome "home!"

cosmo

hi - i'm in middle of reading "Get me out of here". It is a wierd experience reading that. i break down in tears often but the sense of understanding it gives is invaluable. I feel like she is giving you the benefit of the insight of her Dr Padgett - wouldn't we all love one of them :-)