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Hello my name is Lisa,

Some basic facts about me: I love to travel, I love animals, I found true love he also has a mental illness not the same one as me, we will get married once he is done with school we have been together inseperable for almost four years. Our four year anniversary is October 1,2008. I have a supportive family, and one true friend who I only speak to on myspace. Because she lives in a different state. I currently live at home and I am 26 years of age. My parents don't mind and this is my third attempt for Disability, now I go with my lawyer infront of a Judge which is in December or January. I live in Arizona have lived here my whole life and I am really getting sick of the sun shining here every day. Once my Love gets through we are moving to Washington. A nice new change. There I can get sick of the rain :-p

I am sure as most of you, you have been diagnosed with different disorders, and have been hospitalized many times. Just recently my illness came together. I have a counselor and I told her the first time in all honesty. It was a hard thing for me to do, to say that from the ages of 12 to now. Everything that has been going on.

This whole time I was treated with many different disorders, Bipolar, then schitozphrenia, then scitzo-affective. Been through many anti-psychotics and always lied about my symptoms because I felt embarassed or scared. For the longest time I believed I had the symptoms to those disorders. Whgn in reality maybe only some when I am very stressed.

I have this horrible view of myself and coming here to be quite frankly I am broken. I say this because I am just beginning the process. I know it will be long and hard. But I can't keep having outbursts of rage, and anger, and horrible impulsions to where I cut or threaten harming myself or taking my life. I am newely diagnosed by my Counselor. And I see my psychiatrist pretty soon to now be honest with him.

I honestly did not want this diagnosis, I was uneducated really. Now I am learning and I am being honest with myself. Knowing that we are all beautiful inside, eventhough we think otherwise. I have trouble with this notion. That we can get help and fix what is broken.

Everybody has already known that I had this. My mom and my brother and dad always looked it up when I first became Ill when I was 12.

It was always so difficult really to put the pieces together.

My Fiance' his family is supportive and always thought this might be of me as well.

I was never in the loop until recently.

Now I am taking the first steps to get better. By fate I am in the right counseling, she was under the impression she was counseling me for other things. But today I started from the beginning, I had too, because I want help. Because I can't go on with my symptoms being so bad, and because I am reaching out. Everything she read out of the book was like a story about my life basically.

I hope to get to know more of you as time goes by. I hope I didn't say too much for the beginning.

Lisa

Welcome to BPDR. You don't need to put in trigger warnings. We don't do those here.

Sounds like you're working through a lot of things. Noodle around and check out the tools section. Jump into conversations when you feel comfortable doing so.

See you around the board.
Nik

Welcome! I hope you find that being at BPDR gives you the tools you need for recovery.

I live in Washington and the rain is not too bad. It is the lack of sun that can be the worst since overcast weather can be depressing and the barometric pressure can have a sedating effect. That is why so many people drink coffee to function (I personally never acquired a taste for coffee of tea but I do like diet soda when it does not cause me problems with swelling in my joints).