BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi everyone,

The subject of this post is "At last" because I am a grown woman, and was not diagnosed at all, until about 3 years ago, and then was misdiagnosed and incorrectly treated for depression, PTSD, ADHD and bi-polar disorder, all with no result. Then I was sent for an extensive neuro-psych testing at UCLA, and they finally diagnosed me with BPDR, which now, having read about it, makes perfect sense, given my behavior and my childhood.

The name is terrible, I must say. Borderline sounds like you're going to snap and become a serial killer at any moment, or that you're on the verge of schizophrenia...

I've always struggled terribly with getting so easily upset with people and completely taking their head off, without any proportion to their "transgression." In fact, I just did it today, when someone was supposed to call me and then come over and didn't call. Conversely, even though when people first meet me they think that I am smart/charming/funny/engaging, I don't have too many friends.

I've been in therapy for about 2 years now with a cognitive-behavioral therapist, but haven't seen much change yet. besides, he doesn't believe in doing any other type of approach, and I feel that it limits the opportunities for my progress. We're now working on procrastination, I am very good and reliable at what I do for work, but have terrible time with paperwork, bills, housework. Until recently, I didn't do my taxes for 3 years, and did it after they started garnishing my wages. Nuff said, I think.

I am very happy that I found this forum, I am hoping to connect with you and learn from you, and would be very greatful for any suggestions.

Of course, I meant to type "grateful", not "greatful".
Does this forum allow editing of one's own posts? I couldn't find that option.

Welcome to BPDR Curious.
You'll find lots of people to talk to and get ideas from when trying to make changes.
The tools on the left of the window are also awesome at helping with ideas of how to cope with things.

Hello!

I don't think you are able to edit your post after they have been submitted, but we all make mistakes like that one. I'm a terrible speller and I haven't found a spell check function. So it goes, people get my point (I think).

I read you intro with interest. I can relate to your story of misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment. I believe BPD is difficult to diagnose, because many of the criterion overlap with other PD's and because most of these feelings 'normals' have to some degree. It is the degree to which it is expressed and interferes with function that crosses many BPD traits from 'normal' behaviour to PD, IMO. My goal has been to move my dysfunctional traits into a more functional catagory. It has required me to really examine why I think the way I did (do) and really examine why my first response to a situation was not really the most benefitial to me. Then comes changing that initial response.....well, that takes time...but the tools here help. In all of it, I had to be a willing participant. This was not something anyone could do for me, I had to do it for myself. Not that I'm well or anything, but things are better.....

I hope that you continue to post here. I really believe that this forum has helped me tramendously just in the short time I have been a member.

Thanks, Romanee and Harmonium, for saying hello. I was beginning to feel very lonely on this forum...
What were the first etps you took , and how did you do that?

Hi Curious - welcome!

I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I had started seeing a new T after being with another one for 10 years. After 3-4 sessions, the new T diagnosed me with BPD. It took me a while before I could accept the diagnosis. So he began telling me what it was, what my symptoms were, etc. Then he introduced me to DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). I bought a workbook and he started me on learning the skills.

A few months later, I was browsing the Net and found this site. It has helped me immensely! Between my T, the DBT skills and being here, I have learned a lot. I would suggest you looking at the Tools on the left side of the page. They can really help you.

I don't know how you feel about your T, but if you feel he isn't helping you, then you might want to find a T who understands DBT and the different ways to treat it. I had been in therapy for 25 years and none of the therapists I went to could help me. Not one ever mentioned BPD to me. Once I was diagnosed by my current T, then I was able to move forward.

Glad you're here!

I'm sorry you were feeling lonely here. It's not that we were ignoring you or anything, we just have busy lives too. We post when we have time. I wouldn't want to post in a thread that I knew I couldn't get back to for a while, I like to try to keep track, but it's hard. It's also hard to tell at first how much info someone new to the forum really wants. It can be overwhelming for some. I sometimes have trouble balancing how much to say too early. We're just getting to know one another.....

I'm not sure any of us could tell you the 'right' place for your own beginning; I believe that the choice is up to you and that choice in and of itself is a good start. I suppose for me one of the first changes that really took hold was realizing that I was in complete control of my thoughts and therefore my actions. I had to begin to see a thought (any thought) as a habit or at least something that I had the choice to control with mindful, conscious thinking of the goal in play. I could choose to think whatever I wanted about any given situation. If my 'automatic' thoughts on a situation were not ultimately helpful to my overall goals, I would challenge my reasons for having such thoughts. By challenging my reasons for behaving in a detrimental way or thinking in such a way as to produce negative results, I am better able to see what I do want and to formulate a path to achieve my desired result. This is overly-simplistic, but I learned to challenge my thought patterns by controlling my actions in a nutshell. I did this by using the Tools on the left side of your screen applied to everyday situations, over a long period of time with much trial and error. Using the seperation of stuff and the 4 agreements as a foundation for much of my new-fangled goals, I am better able to identify what I really want and/or need. Much of my 'rehabilitation' has been done in hindsight of behaviour that I wished to change--use of the 5 agreements in this area of looking back is really positive for me. Identifing the behaviour that I wanted to change was a step in there too. Still is, I am constantly reforming my idea of who I am and who I want to be. All of this was made possible because I decided I wanted to change. That decision was my first step, and remains a driving force in my recovery.

All that may not have been what you are looking for. There is no 'guide', no step-by-step. We are all a little too individual for that, IMHO. There are many techniques, including CBT, that I have found to be helpful. I hope you find what works for you.