BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi everyone,

I joined this site a little while ago, but it has taken me awhile to introduce myself...I'm rather shy.

I don't officially have the Borderline diagnosis, but am diagnosed with Complex PTSD and I fit many of the Borderline criteria since the symptoms of bpd and complex ptsd overlap so much. I feel very ambivalent about learning that I have so many of the symptoms of bpd. I feel glad that I finally know what's wrong with me, but I'm devastated by the stigma surrounding this diagnosis. I'm really mad at many in the healthcare field for being so "black and white" about the diagnosis and lumping all of us with bpd into the category of "bad, manipulative patients."

I have a terrible fear of abandonment that has completely made me incapable of getting involved with any meaningful romantic relationship. I have trouble regulating my emotions...mostly anxiety and depression...I can go from feeling very happy and optimistic one moment to being desperately unhappy in the next and feeling like my life will always be hell and there's no reason for hope. On top of that, although I never show my anger, I have a lot of anger inside of me and fear that one day I will just explode because I can't cope with it. I know that my mood fluctuation is confusing to family and friends.

On a good note, I used to use anorexia and other forms of self harm to cope, but through therapy, I have learned tools for overcoming the urges to harm myself. It's been almost three years since I last hurt myself deliberately, so I'm happy about that accomplishment. My therapist doesn't really use any one specific method like CBT or DBT, so I'm unfamiliar with some of the terms on this site, but obviously what she's doing is helping since I've overcome the self harm. I look forward to also learning more skills through this site to complement those that I'm developing through therapy.

As far as recovery goes, I'm pretty ambivalent about that as well. Some days I'm really happy and think that I'm really ready to recover and I can make it happen quickly if I work hard enough. Other days I think there's no hope and I feel angry when I think of changing (or if other suggest that I should change) because this is how I'm used to living, and obviously it's gotten me pretty far, so maybe I'm right and everyone else should change. I hope that my ambivalence is an ok thing to share...I know that I would be a better member or this forum if I didn't have so many negative thoughts about change, but I hope you can accept me for who I am and be patient with me as I try to change. I fear that if I have some success, but then slip backward, everyone will give up on me and I'll be abandoned by the world.

But anyway, I'm rambling too much. I'm very glad this forum is here and look forward to meeting everyone.

hi and welcome. i also have the dx of complex or chronic PTSD with bpd traits.

good to meet ya!

Since there is no official diagnosis of CPTSD, is it possible your official diagnosis is BPD but your therapist is using a pop psychology term to overcome resistance on your part or do you meet the diagnostic criteria for chronic PTSD? I was confused about the term CPTSD for awhile because at first I thought it was an official diagnosis in countries other than the US but I learned that it has never been approved in the DSM or any other diagnostic manual used by professional therapists. Using the term Complex PTSD would be more of a term like Co-Dependent in that it is not something a therapist would treat but rather something that people use self-help books to process. The diagnostic label is required for insurance purposes and to justify a treatment plan, which every client is supposed to have.

It is true that BPD has some negative press and yet most people who have BPD are not the raging "bunny boilers" or child murderers portrayed in the media. I think it is a few "over the top" Borderlines that give the diagnosis such a bad reputation but that is probably true for many mental health diagnoses. People tend to fear what they don't understand. If you are not comfortable with the BPD label but recognize that you have traits you would like to work on, then you can do the work without being concerned with what your therapist has recorded in your chart.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my own diagnosis, which I consider far worse than having BPD, so having my former therapist frame my mental disorder as "a severe form of BPD" helped keep me in therapy for several years while talk of "fragmentation" caused me to become suicidal as I saw it as the "cancer" of mental illness. The therapist I am working with now has said that we don't need to call it anything in order to work on the things that I want to work on in therapy. In fact, she specializes in "helping people solve life problems" and has many years of experience working with people who have come from traumatic backgrounds so that is what keeps me seeing her each month for nearly a year now. We don't have to talk about labels in therapy if that is not helpful.

The people here at BPDR are pretty tolerant because most of us have engaged in extreme coping behaviors before we learned more effective coping skills. As long as you show a willingness to work on change, that is what is most important. The ones who have the most difficulty here are those who refuse to work on changing those things that have caused them severe problems all their lives and yet they expect others to accept them the way they are. Not many here are so blind to their dysfunctional behaviors that they would refuse to work towards happy, healthy living. The most important thing that you can bring to your recovery is honesty with yourself and others, even when looking at the truth sometimes hurts.

hey shattered, this is how a "label" helped me. it isnt who we are. it helped me put names to my behaviors and why i had them. then i could begin to change them, and feel them knowing where they originated. doing that, for me, a lot has vanished or diminished significantly over time.

this is how I heal. it isnt how everyone does. it just works for me.

i would suggest taking the dxs, a lot think this is a degree of BPD anyways, you can about pick who you believe in the dr circles or online as they all disagree anyways! lol....but mostly its a starting point to begin to change our behaviors and feelings.

good luck!

For me, having the label BPD helped me to identify my issues and begin to work on them. I don't dwell on the diagnosis - but it was a starting point for me. Then I could work on each symptom with my T and learn skills to overcome my problems.

As long as you are working on your recovery, that is the most important thing. I'm glad you're here!!!!

shattered, here is some links for ya to look at if you want and see the traits we have and need to work on...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_po ... s_disorder

http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/ ... _ptsd.html

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/cptsd.html

altho labels dont matter much in the long run, i find it helps me to give things a name.

Thanks so much for all of the welcoming messages and for the information and advice! This seems like a great community!