BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I'm brand new to this site, so i thought i'd take a chance.

I'm realizing that I have almost all the symptoms and signs of borderline personality disorder. I mean some of the websites I've looked into, I honestly thought my picture needed to be there cuz it was like looking into a mirror of my behavior. My doctor recently changed my diagnosis from just depression to a "mood disorder". Does that mean the same as the borderline personality, or do I need to get more specific with her to get her to make that diagnosis?

I am on the medication Gabapentin, and it really does seem to be helping at least the mood stability, for the most part. What drives me the craziest is the consuming fear of abandonment and rejection, and the uncontrollable anger at times. I know a lot of both of those issues is about my choices, but I am not at a point where I'm even totally conscious of the behavior. Is that normal???

Sometimes it just feels like I'm so out of control, but then there are other days, I"m doin ok. I end up really messing up relationships at times because of my insensitivity at times to others problems and unconsciously turning it around to be about me. From what I"ve read though too, the narcissistic behavior can come out with the disorder also...right???

I'm hoping I can make new friends here who will TRULY understand what i'm going through, especially on the bad days and give me some pointers on how to fight through and set the boundaries to change the behaviors.

I'm glad you took the chance. This site has been very helpful to me, I hope you will find it good for you too. There are tools on the left upper side of your screen that can help you understand some of the twisted thinking many of us experience and, more importantly, how to untwist those thoughts. There are many other valuealble tools there too!

To answer your questions:

BPD is not a mood disorder, it is a personality disorder. My understanding is that is just a matter of degree. If you have not been diagnosed with a specific mood disorder or really even if you have, your T may just need more time to observe you for a different diagnosis. Who knows? Really, only your T can tell you things like that, IMHO.

It was very 'normal' for me to not be aware of my behavioral choices at all times, to not always be able to identify my emotions. We try to learn how to do that around here. It's not easy, but I'm getting much better at it. This link can be a good starting place in identifying your emotions and learning how to handle them. At least, it helps me.

And yes, it is my understanding that all sorts of behaviors can be expressed with BPD, including narcissism. All dependent on the individual and their experiences, their genetic and environmental history. Really, I'm not a T, so anything I say is just my opinion, not necessarily facts related to BPD, just my experience. Please keep that in mind.

You will find many here who understand what its like. We do focus on healthy, happy living, so the focus is on how to get 'un-stuck' from those dysfuctional patterns. Setting boundaries is huge for me!! I'm glad you mentioned that one. There is a section in the tools called seperation of stuff that really put that area into terms that I understood. I hope it helps you too!

Good luck with your recovery. Welcome!!!

Hi i new 2 this site as well,we have mad the 1st step in talkin 2 real people with a wide range of information that can help .If 1 peace of info can guide u and help u 2wards recovery or atleast help, there is people that care which make talking just that bit easyer.Hope this kind of made sence.cheers