Finally searching for stability...[Introducing Meaghan =)]

MJ_xo · **Joined:** Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:39 pm **Posts:** 2

Hey, I'm Meaghan!

I've struggled with BPD for quite some time now. As a child, I was diagnosed with pretty much anything they could label me as...ADHD, Bipolar, Depressed, Etc...But I knew I didn't fit ANY of the criteria for those things.

My biggest struggle is gaining a sense of identity. All of my life I have put myself in different lifestyles hoping to find a place where I was content with who I was; Or even have an IDEA of who I was for that matter. I would hate to confide in friends, or even counselors because they would always think I was just going through the typical high-school identity crises. They would always say, "Meaghan, just be yourself!!" I would get so annoyed with this statement. I knew they were trying to help, but I would think, how can I be myself if I don't have the slightest idea of who I am!! I would start to cling to other appearances and personalities that I saw, hoping that I would find an image that I was comfortable in. It even started exceeding to the point of having gender-identity issues.

My other big thing is, I have a huge heart but I decieve people quite frequently. I have never really held a stable relationship with a man though I've attempted to with many. I have a tendancy to lash out on the people close to me over the silliest things! Sometimes I even have to talk to someone to confirm that I have a good reason to be mad.

I've decided that NOW it is time for a change. My mind feels like it's racing so loudly sometimes that I feel like every ounce of "Meaghan" that is left is dissolving. I need to save every inch of sanity I have before there is nothing left of it.

Sorry that this was so long, I am just so excited to share my story with others who may be able to relate! It was such a load off my shoulders to find these forums. =)

Ash · **Posted:** Thu Nov 13, 2008 5:20 pm

I'm just going to wave :yellowave

for now because that blue font is really hard for me to read. I look forward to reading more from you as you settle in to BPDR!

:welcome

MJ_xo · **Joined:** Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:39 pm **Posts:** 2

Ash wrote:

I'm just going to wave :yellowave

for now because that blue font is really hard for me to read. I look forward to reading more from you as you settle in to BPDR!

:welcome

Thank! =) I was going to change it but I can't figure out how to edit things yet haha. I appreciate the welcome! <3

Denim Blue · **Posted:** Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:41 pm

I had trouble with the blue font too but I discovered that if I highlighted it, that made it easier to read.

I am glad that you have a better idea what you are dealing with and how to go about dealing with it. I don't always know how to be helpful with new members but I am working on reading posts in Welcome Wagon rather than waiting to see if someone sticks around or not.

ChicitaGatitia · **Posted:** Fri Nov 21, 2008 6:19 am

Hi Meaghan!

Welcome

I'm new too. I'm so grateful to have found this website and forum too. (Thank you Ash - you're an Angel).

It sounds like you've really struggled to feel understood and get help. My heart goes out to you for the struggle your going thru right now. I'm 35 and have been on the path of recovery since I was 19. I can tell you that things DO get better. You CAN learn new skills to replace old ones that no longer serve you.

My life is 1000 times better than it was 17 years ago. I still have areas that need healing and growth but life is a journey, right?

Take cae of yourself!
CG

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