BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi, everyone. My name is Eve and I am so glad to have found this support network. I was diagnosed with bipolar II 8 years ago and followed the pharmaceutical regimen for about 4 years before calling it quits. I've always felt like a stranger in my own body and those meds did absolutely nothing for my feelings of depersonalization. There are times when I feel amorphous and without bones and have scales rather than skin. I got married last April to a wonderful man who has helped me see that I was erroneously diagnosed and have been going about treating this the wrong way. I am having an awful time adjusting to married life, because I am so afraid he is going to leave. I've endured physical, mental, sexual abuse and then abandonment, but I have survived. I've survived so well that no one in my daily life would even know that I have such a problem. I'm so in love with my husband, but I live with this constant fear that he is lying to me. I have little triggers that cause me to flip and I turn into a wrathful tyrant and nothing can appease me. I am frequently sick and I've had to drop out of school for the semester, because life outside my house is overwhelming. I want to take control of my life so that I can really enjoy living!

Hi Eve! Welcome

I identify with what you've shared. On the home page here on the right is a link entitled something like "The 4 types of BPD" - I found this useful because I lead a good life generally, I'm in a committed relationship, have a great job, and have a wonderful group of friends. However, it's taken me HEAPS of therapy and personal development to learn skills to replace the dysfunctional behaviour I learnt in my family of origin and get to this point. The one are where I "act out" the most is in my intimate relationship. I overreact and have heaps of triggers, but over time I've learned (and am still learning) how to manage these better.

It's wonderful that you're here. Keep posting. Read other threads and jump in and contribute your thoughts. Read the info in the links on the home page. Ask questions and ask for help


CG