BPDRecovery.com: Forums

hi i'm 38, twice-over single mama solo parenting 2 young children and living w/ bpd. i thought i'd recovered but ha! only to discover its still there...just showing itself in different ways (ie. i don't SI anymore, at least i don't cut anymore...i DO compulsively overeat, etc.). i've been struggling w/ this disorder ever since i can remember...but especially since an early teen.

i look forward to learning and supporting and growing and healing. i hope i don't get flamed. i know some people believe in being cold and hard when supporting those with bpd. i believe in having boundaries yet being warm and fuzzy ALONG with being supportive and informative.

well enough for now. dealing with a lamictal rash (hopefully it won't get worse...so far, not bad) and need to reapply some ointment for itching. fun fun fun.

Hi MOoOdy -

Welcome to BPDR! I hope you'll find some good support here.

We generally don't tolerate flaming at the board, though sometimes, with people who've been here for a while and had plenty of time to learn some healthier ways of dealing with situations, we call them out a bit when we see that they're just repeating NOT-healthy behavior. We believe that you *can* get better and don't have to live with the worst of BPD for the rest of your life. So we emphasize working on ourselves and striving to improve our thinking and behavior. A lot of us find the Tools (in the box on the left) to be really helpful in that regard. So anyway, if you see something that you consider a bit harsh, don't jump to the conclusion that this is a board that allows a lot of flaming to take place. It's just that we pretty strongly believe in taking responsibility for yourself and your behavior. It's not OK to endlessly say "I have BPD so I'm allowed to act badly." Most of BPD is learned -- poor coping mechanisms developed in childhood -- and we can *unlearn* them and *relearn* better ones. You know that old phrase about "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting something different"? So if we see someone who is basically doing that, we might say "OK, you always complain about situations like this -- if what you are doing is not working for you, what can you do differently?" And sometimes conversations can get a bit heated if the person doesn't want to hear what she is being told. But it's not flaming.

The best thing is to always ask for clarification if you don't understand what someone is saying. If you have a conflict, or believe someone is treating you unfairly, you can open a thread in the forum we call "Conversation Corner," where you can have a one-on-one discussion with the person you're disagreeing with.

So anyway, I hope you enjoy it here and find some good ways to make your life happier and healthier!

p.s. I hope your rash is better -- that sounds like no fun.

thanx sari