BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Well I am new here and I am not that great with intro's but I thought I should start here..
I was just diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago... let me tell you I have had an emotional hellish couple of years..
the past few years I have hospitalized about 7 times due to self harm, depression, and anxiety etc...
I was diagnosed last in life at the age of 30 but I displayed lots of signs of BPD since I was a teen. This last time I was hospitalized was a couple of weeks ago and the doctor said I should have died and it is a miracle that I am alive . I am on the wait list for DBT and I have been waiting over 2 years and they now say that i am 12th on the list so I should be getting help soon..There is hope. The biggest thing for me is the severe anxiety that I feel all day long... it is the free floating anxiety that really is not related to anything... I don't know how to regulate it at all...I used codeine and got addicted to it this past year as a way to cope.. I am now two weeks clean it is a good feeling to be in recovery but now the anxiety is worse than I have ever felt it....it feels almost like I am going to puke most of the time... . I wish I could relate it to something but I can't seem too..anyways hellp to everybody and I look forward to sharing and relating to other people here..

Welcome. I'm glad you found us. You can start by looking at the Tools which are on the left side of the page. They can help you right from the start.

I also suffer from free-floating anxiety. My T has been teaching me to learn to accept it and not get alarmed by the symtpoms. He taught me breathing exercises as a way of coping. The idea is not to push the anxiety away, but to accept it and not get upset about it.

While you're waiting to get into a DBT class, you might want to think of buying the workbook "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" by Marsha M. Linehan. Dr. Linehan "invented" DBT skills. I could not get into a DBT class so my T had me buy this workbook. It's a large book, paperback, and has a red and black cover. It goes into all the modules and gives examples of the skills with worksheets, etc. It's a good place to start. Also, Yahoo Groups has an on-line DBT class. So you might want to check these out before you get accepted into a class.

I found that drugs only made my anxiety worse. I got myself addicted to Xanas about 20 years ago in an attempt to lower my anxiety levels. It only made it worse. I ended up having to detox and I was living in a foreign country, which made things worse. I recently learned that I should not try to push the anxiety away - it only makes things worse. Accepting what is happening makes it less scary and easier to deal with. I tell myself that I am just having physical symptoms and they will not kill me. I try to keep doing whatever it is I am doing and not focus on the anxiety.

I hope some of this helps you. We're glad you're here!

Hi, intnzgirl, and welcome to BPDR.

It sounds like you have had a lot of turmoil in your life up til now, which is totally familiar to me, definitely: I wasn't properly diagnosed until a breakdown I had 3 years ago at the age of 34. Sometimes our road to healing is long, but it's so nice once we find our way, even just starting out on the path.

Good job on remaining clean this long. Are you in NA or another group like that? I find they are very helpful and can be a needed support system so that you don't have to struggle with something so difficult all on your own (I have alcohol issues, so I understand addiction).

Sorry about the anxiety, I hated that feeling. I'm personally doing well nowadays in that I don't have much trouble with it anymore. It took a lot of hard work - soul-searching, therapy, meds, using cognitive/behavioral methods - to get to this place, but it was SO worth the effort.

Glad to have you here - you're among friends and people who understand.
Marni/oceanheart

Thanks guys for welcoming me!! I look forward to getting to know some new people and some new techniques for coping...

That's all you need, intnz - a willing spirit and the dedication to do the work. Again, welcome!

Sorry for the late welcome, but welcome!!!!

It may sound silly, but something to curb your cravings and also your anxiety is an epsom salt bath. Run a hot bath with a cup to two cups of epsom salts in it, and everything mellows right out. I used it long ago when I was detoxing from crystal meth (after a two year addiction) and it was the only non drug aide that helped any of what was agonizing. It may sound simple, so simple that you may think it's pointless, but do yourself a favour and go to the nearest drug store or walmart, and pick up a bag of them fabolous saltz and you'll be feeling good in no time. The magnesium sulfate relaxes the muscles and literally calms the body inside and out. You think a hot bath feels good? You ain't seen nothing sweetheart!

Cheers!