BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Wow. What a fuckin bullshit. I hope I can speak here in a language in the way how I feel it.


Those retards from BPDfamily.com are just plain retarded people. And I am not talking about people that come there and search help. I am talking about administrators and moderators and other fags with "the power". OMFG.
Retarded people.

Anyway, let me introduce myself.

I am Janez, 26 years old male from Slovenia, small european country.

I have felt that something is not so right for almost my entire life. While first 18 years were very enjoying, fun, succesful and full, last 8 years were the worst. I was caught by police with weed which triggered my depression and problems. It was not just police, it was the court, it was the threatening of involved people to me (threatened to beat me up, to not come to my nearest city, etc.).

Anyway, that just triggered my, lets call it depression. What continued was relationship with one of those ppl who could be called as a half human, emotion and life sucking creature, highly addictive and fatal people. Lol.
So I was in relationship with my undiagnosed BPD girlfriend for 4 years. Of course, relationship had so many ups and downs its unbelievable. Then she dumped me 2.5 yrs into relationship and that where worst time of my life started. It was hard. It was really hard. I had agrressive thougths . I was thinking how I would buy a gun, come to my exBPD's house and kill everyone that meant something to her. But these were just thoughts. It seemed to me that everything goes out of control. So I decided to search for help.

I found out about BPD. I joined community bpdfamily.com. with help of good advice there I was able to find answers why, what, etc. I also realized that I might have that impaired vision of thinking and understanding the world, which is called splitting or Black/white thinking. Either I have this or not it is not important, because I believe that at least I can understand this.


Anyway, after I showed there my newfound knowledge and understanding of BPD's, something weird happened. I wrote a paper, which i believe is very informative, 3 pages long article with answers to someone who wanted to see my point of view. Answer from admins was, that people who suspect that they might be BPD, are not welcome there (they just used way NICER words). When I wanted opinions, answers, etc., on logical, respectful level, I just got my messages deleted, my ISP (internet service provider) is now banned at their site, and my username's that I created later, deleted.

I received very accusating personal message from one of the staff, and received no apology for it. I mean, come on, where the f*** did you take this s*** out from. (own ass maybe??)

Anyway, I don't care whether I am BPD or not. I am happy and content with my life now. My whole life is in front of me. I know that I am step or 2 in front of the world anyway. People, obviously, have hard time understanding my messages. And they have hard time being grown, adult people. They don't see in front of their own nose. Those fags on bpdfamily just blame everything on BPD, like it is us who made them life hard. What do they do to us then? lol.

Anyway, I hope that I will receive some understandment here. And if you can't understand me, then just get some fuckin IQ.


Sorry for rant, but I was ignored in such a bad way on that quasi help forum. That is just a cry forum where admins with no life abuse their "power" status. Lol.

Who is deficited then. ME?

best regards, and I hope you find your way to start living a happy life. Considering the response I have received with "so called nons", I don't give a fuck if I destroy everyone's life, if that is my ability. Lol. Well, I guess I will just use my manipulation skills to gain the most advantage from NONS.

lol

And please, I apologise for bad words and disrespectful things in my message.

I just want to show how I feel, and I want to be heard. I don't want to be ignored once again. Thank you for your understanding.

Thank you for apologizing for your incorrect language. I take great offense when people use the word "fag" like that. My son is gay and I don't like that term. It's offensive. In addition, there are probably some gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks on here, and I would think they wouldn't appreciate seeing that term used the way you did. I hope you will think about the words you use in the future.

Welcome to the Board. Good luck in your recovery.

It's a silly policy, if you think about it, saying people who think they might have BPD can't be on a board like that. Because it means people with BPD are allowed on the board if they are clueless that they have it, or if they lie (or just don't tell). But if they are self-aware enough to see their own BPD traits, and honest enough to admit it, they can't be on.

There are BPD boards that are equally unfriendly to mixing of nons and those with BPD. I got kicked off one message board for saying I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD. By there thinking once one has BPD, one always has it, and saying one doesn't fit the diagnostic criteria anymore = being a non. (Though, had I an actual diagnosic, I suspect they would have let me stay, with the thinking, once one's been diagnosed, one has it for life.)

Thankfully, this place isn't like that. So welcome. Pull up a chair. Make yourself comfortable.

hello bordergirl

I don't mind anyone's sexual orientation. I really don't care if people are black, white, gay, lesbian, dumb, smart, working, not working, parasites, wealthy, happy, unhappy. As long as they don't stand in my way. So take it offensive. Haha.

And I apologise for using that words that might be offensive. I believe I could be bisexual if some really handsome man would try to get in my pants. hahaha (so fun ;d )

I meant to say Don't take it offensive.

Thank you for your reply EllenKMR

I believe this truly might be good place for me. Happy to hear you are not diagnosed as bpd anymore.

I will have to first explore this forum, maybe I will feel here like at home. Hopefully

No, I meant I haven't ever been diagnosed at all. I never thought seeing a therapist was the right path for me. Had I been diagnosed, that place (I believe) would have considered me to still have BPD -- once you have it you always do, in their thinking -- even if a psychiatrist (or therapist with the training to say so) told me otherwise. Kinda sad.

so true. I am currently in some kind of CBT, 3 weeks 4 times a day, 1.5h/day. This is my first therapy ever.

And exactly what you are saying, I am afraid to be labeled as xPD (whatever pd, but most likely bpd anyway). It is so many bad things written about BPD's on internet, and we are just a human beings like everyone else. I've got to realisation that I probably do splitting (B/W thinking and feeling), and this is simply the most important piece of knowledge that I have got from the therapy. I found about that by myself.

I am glad that I can express myself here without all the fuss that I am receiving on other sites and that there is actually someone who understand and listens.

Well maybe we BPD's are the dream team. haha.

Good for you. Awareness is half the battle. I hope your CBT is going well for you.

""""I am glad that I can express myself here without all the fuss that I am receiving on other sites and that there is actually someone who understand and listens.""""

sure we listen and sometimes we understand. i , for one, will not accept plain rude remarks about another persons disability. from a non, a bpd person, a aspie or not, or the Pope.

i am gonna draw the line about your negative labels.

specifically, besides "fag" was your use of retarded. OMFG also. there is no reason to disrespect other people.

many mentally disabled people are here in the world because they are the most loving, best humans in the world. my great uncle was one.

i will ask you to learn how to express yourself without using derogoratory labels. nicely. please.

they are offensive to me and others. retarded people cant help it, you might as well use race or age as a slur. and here is where i will ask you to stop it.

"""""" And if you can't understand me, then just get some fuckin IQ. """" i dont appreciate this, as i have aspergers and sometimes have great difficulty understanding other people. i must tell you i have a very good IQ. i am asking you to not be so judgemental and harsh.

you have a wonderful grasp of the english language/ so i know you speak and type well.


thank you. jodyisme

fag, omfg and other disrespectful words are used just to express my anger that has growed because of being so mistreated and ignored. They are words to show my anger after being ignored, not to disrespect any of the people that might find themselves in it.

Everyone that might be gay, might have some mental dificulties (aka being "retarded" ... it is hard to use this word for the people that have some disability.. as I have nothing against them), or everything else, ... well, I got nothing against people with disabilities or "uncommon" sexual orientation. These words are used considering the "people with power on forum", "people that are supposed to help others". "Healthy, sane people". They are supposed to have all the abilities to treat people with mental difficulties (aka myself, possible borderline personality disordered person) with respect, care and understandment. But instead of receiving pleasant, warm answers, even though they might disagree with something, I have received IGNORANCE, MUTATION (I was muted - aka banned), and disrespect. From people that are supposed to be sane, recovered and respectful (come on, you don't put insane person in position of help forum moderator).

So, In my opinion, their behaviour was totally inacceptable and, yeah, retarded. Sane people behave in retarded kind of way when a retard (aka me) asks for understanding and care. Do you understand my anger?

Obviously, they can't. And maybe you can't understand either. If you, people that might have BPD just like might have it, can't understand me, then I guess only God can understand me. My shrink does not. Well my exBPDgf might understand me as well. And some of my friends too. All I want in this world is understandment and care. But sometimes I am just 2 steps in front of the world. Like galileo galilei and other respectful people from the past that never has been understood.

I am not from english speaking country so I hope my messages can be understood.

Best regards

you speak english better than me and im from texas.

i understand anger. you have no idea how well i do. but there are ways to say it, express it, and there are ways i dont care for being used.

calling someone names, and in turn insulting people who cant help how they are or who they love, is not it.

im sorry you received all that. it doesnt give you the right to call names to someone, using retard or fag. or race, or age, or religion.

you could begin by saying "i feel.....because...."

you can learn how to express yourself in a clearer way so you will be heard. (which has nothing to do with speaking any language)

but i wont say im sorry for what i said, because im not. i spent a good part of my life going after people who called my great uncle names when all he wanted to do was be their friend or them be nice to him. i still remember the hurt on his face when he was made fun of or called names like you are using.

i wont compromise on that. """"So, In my opinion, their behaviour was totally inacceptable and, yeah, retarded""" people with mental handicaps are usually not the ones who are cruel, mean, or rude. usually they are sweet, happy and kind. i will not stand by while bad behavior is labeled as retarded.

i can never understand another 100%. no one can because i am not you. i understand your angry and why. i would understand better if you explained it clearly without calling names like that.

Thank you.

You showed me great reasons why to not use this language.
I promise I will try hard to get such harsh language out of my vocabulary.



by saying "i feel.....because...." I believe I will have easier time being heard and the message will be more clear.

Thank you again for all the respect you showed me and understanding.

no problem. if you want to be heard, it is essential you say and own how YOU feel, not call another names. most stop listening the minute they hear names being called.

many will listen when its your own feelings you are saying.

some will not listen no matter what, and it doesnt matter if they hear or not because your feelings are valid and important, and you dont need them to validate them or listen.

its also hard to learn, to say "I" instead of they. the truth is, we choose how we feel no matter what another does or says. anothers acts in no way give us a excuse for our own.

someone else may be a total idiot. it doesnt say a thing about anyone or anything but themselves. in life, you will run into many idiots. dont give up your power to them by letting them get to you. (this is something i have had to learn and am still learning in a very hard way)

good luck in your journey.

Janez,

First of all, welcome to BPDR. With the words you originally chose, I can see how hurt you were by the other board. I'm sorry their words and/or deeds cut so deeply for you however I'm hopeful that the Tools offered here will help you reach a place where such actions will no longer cut so deeply, if at all.

Secondly, I'm glad to see that you're shifting your perspective a bit.

Jody,

I want to tell you that I'm impressed with your decorum in this thread. I think you handled the situation beautifully and your approach (while still very different from my own) worked well. I may never use your approach or style and I may not always like or appreciate it but I'm glad you are YOU and that you were able to make a positive impact here. Thank you.

Ash, thank you. your words were very kind.


i dont know what my style is, or my approach, because i dont look at it that way. im just me. (i would be interested to hear sometime how you or what you think my approach/style was/is) im glad janez is listening and willing to learn, and i certainly understand the anger (as you well know). im glad that came out in my wording.

im still learning how to communicate well and i think i might see myself a bit in janez's words or anger. i had to learn the lessons...

Before I found this site I also went onto bpdfamily.com . I told them I was the bp and asked if this was the right place for me. Their answer was that since there would be a lot of anger and frustration vented towards the bp's ,that I would be better off here. Knowing what I've learned about how a bp would react to rejection, I could rationalize their reservations but I still did feel resentment rising up. I find this to be the biggest problem with this disorder --your emotions overrule brain --even when you know there is a better way to deal with things--and knowing that what you do will hurt or undermine you. That is the insane part.

I would feel it, too. I think anything that might be interpreted as rejection hurts everyone... I know it affects me no mater ow rational.. it's just a bit more with BPD as you say.

You have a very healthy understanding of your feelings on this and that is good.

No one at BPDFamily knows anything about who you are... it was not at all personal. It's just an acknowledgment that BPDFamily really doesn't have tools to work through BPD isssues and that struggling BPs and struggling NonBPs can easily misunderstand each other and clash.

Actually, one of the people that referred you over is in a long term BPD relationship and the couple has been making great progress together.

I hope you find this site helpful... this is a really insightful group here :-)

Skippy

Skip--part of your reply states that one of the people that referred me was in a long term bpd relationship. How do you know that? As far as bpd family not having the tools to deal with bpd I find to be questionable. If they are trying to help family members with this problem,then they should have a thorough understanding of bpd.Keeping them seperate only feeds into the feelings of abandonment and misunderstanding that plague families in this situation.I can understand they might be afraid of the reaction to what's going on on their site by the bp and how disruptive that might be , but think about it ---isn't that the true crux of this problem? The fear of how we (the bp) might react? Perhaps engaging in a non personal exchange with virtual strangers could provide a non threatening forum for insight and understanding.But then again ,they are the experts on the subject ,and I am limited by my own perceptions ,it just seems very invalidating.

Skip is from BPDFamily and likely read a post from the person referring you here to BPDR. We get lots of referrals, which are great.

WELCOME!