Hi uncertain, and welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us.
As a (no longer working) RN, I know a bit about lupus, and the effects of steroids, and I'm sorry that you're suffering so. I also have fairly severe osteoporosis, in my case because of a parathyroid tumor, so I can relate to that as well. It's no fun being in pain all the time, either emotionally or physically.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things, as far as seeing doctors and psychologists and pushing for the correct diagnosis and treatment. I have not done DBT, though several here have, I think, and many find it helpful. There are DBT workbooks available that you can buy in bookstores (including online), and I know there's at least one online DBT group out there somewhere, though the person who used to talk about that here is no longer active at this community. But if getting to a DBT class is difficult for you, those are options you could try out. A lot of the concepts from DBT are used elsewhere, even if the setting is not called DBT.
I'm glad your parents are sticking with you, despite the problems you've had with each other over the years. I'm sure it's been very hard for all of you. (I hope you are able to tell them you appreciate them -- if not love them -- from time to time, especially since they're still the objects of your anger sometimes.) And it's great that you got a service dog. I know that can help a lot, not only with the physical things it can do for you, but also with the affection and trust you have for each other. Dogs are wonderful that way!
I'm wondering if, assuming that you do get an official diagnosis of BPD, that would have to show up on your history when you are admitted to the hospital for treatment for your lupus. See if they can't just leave the depression stuff in there and leave out the BPD. It's not something they really need to know about. If you were being admitted to the Psych unit, that would be different, but on a medical floor, it seems irrelevant to me.
I'm no psychologist, for sure, but for me, it seems like anger usually comes from something else. If, when I feel angry, I try to look beyond it, there is something else going on. I'm feeling lonely, or abandoned, or invalidated, or rejected, or *something* that is resulting in my feeling angry. I'm angry because... It can help me to try to look for the root feeling that has gotten me so angry, then see if I can work on fixing that problem. There's a link in the box on the left titled "Tools" for "feelings and moods" -- have a look in there and see if you can sort out some of the things that get you to feeling angry all the time. And then read the other Tools for some great ideas on sorting out your feelings and behavior, so you can aim at getting healthier and happier. Getting over BPD isn't easy, let's be honest, but it is doable with some persistence and dedication.
I hope things get better for you soon.
_________________ I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner
|