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Hi, i would like to introduce myself to you.

i am having a horrific day. the anxiety is taking me over. my boyfriend has yet again run away and switched his phone off. i feel sick with worry and very distressed. the more i try to distract myself, the worse it crashes back down on me. i need some relief. i don't know what to do. the only thing that helps me is to talk to him and to know that he still wants to be with me. yes i am crazy i am obsessive and i can't stop this pain that is ruining me and everyone around me.

i have bpd and have known about this for about 3 years. i did see it once written on my doctors notes, about 12 years ago, but i didn't know what it was and he never said. i thought he was just describing my personality. I have struggled through my years and struggle daily with myself. I am feeling really bad right now, and that is what has led me here.

i have had the worst few days with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. he had just started his holidays (which he has never had before, this the benifit of his new job). i was also on holidays, my first ever since always working in hospitality. i was so excited. day 1 was to travel an hour to see his children on xmas day. day 2 was to travel 2 hours in the other direction to see his mother. end of day 1 saw him so tired he fell asleep on the couch. he hopped in bed, and i chose this time to discect his habit of always running to a schedule that usually ended up being a chore and not finding the joy in that event. i suggested he not rush himself as he was worn out. somehow it ended up in a huge fight and i said i'd prefer not to go to his mums as he would be stressed and i would prefer to spend time with him when he was ready to be more relaxed. this ended up with me sh ing in front of him in a bad way, and he drove off. he tried to ring me 3 times but i was too distressed to answer. when i held off and was ready to call him the next day, his phone was switched off, and has been ever since. i desperately tried to text his mother but she returned the text "he never wants to see you again."

this is no new occurance for us, as our turmoil spills over often into him telling me that he "never wants to see me again and i don't love you". he is always sorry after and says he does love me, but that he just does not know how to handle the situation, and my bpd. i do not often know how to handle it myself.

I have come here for some help. I am crushed that I cannot contact him. I do not want to feel like this anymore. I desperately need some help, and do not know what to do. I am resisting the urge to call him by keeping occupied, as every time I hear that "phone is switched off" message, it rips my heart out. i know he loves me. What the hell do i do? every minute is torture.

Mog

Hi mog-

Sorry you are hurting so much

It can be slow here, especially during holidays ...

Do you have a therapist you can call?

I know this sounds simplistic, but ... feelings are temporary things. They can be awful, painful, feel horrible ... but they aren't you. They pass through you. Or by you.

You might look into some mindfulness techniques - it's not really the same as distraction. Try picturing your emotions as boats on a river ... going by under the bridge, while you sit up on the bridge and watch. You don't have to ride the boats, unless you want to. Just watch them go by.

Or the emotions can be cars on a train ... they are load, the ground shakes as they thunder by, but there they go ... you don't have to ride the train.

Hey there Mog,

hope things have started to look up. If they haven't, it may be useful to consider that the past is a very great predictor of the future and you mentioned yourself that the two of you have a pattern of behaviour:



If I read you right the first thing you may need is some reassurance that your BF will return. That is not something that anyone can accurately predict but as I said the past can be a great predictor of the future.

It does also seem, from what you write, as though your BF is having a tough time coping with the dynamics of the relationship for whatever reason, though he probably still loves you. If you cannot communicate with him by phone, you could write him a letter; tell him how you feel; apologise if that is necessary; and, if you feel it appropriate, you could perhaps suggest that the two of you go to couples therapy - this would show a clear determination on your part to try to make a change for the better.

Hope that helps. Take care of yourself.

Regards

Paul.

Welcome to BPDR. Be sure to check out the tools section on the left of the screen. You may be able to find some assistance in how to deal with the feelings as they happen. We're glad you found us. See you around the board.