BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Greetings everyone..
I have recently been diagnosed with BPD. At first I thought it would've been a big big shock to me, however I was wrong. It felt so good to finally understand what and who I am as a person. I was relieved to finally get a sense of an idea on how to endure what is wrong with me.
Recently a girl whom I was in love with, decided it was time to cut everything off with me. She was my everything, and my purpose. I met her at a company I worked at, at first I paid her no attention, and I was not even into her at all. Things started to build, and a friendship started. It became a snowball effect. She was a narcissist, at the time I didn't know it. It all started when our company was attending a dragon boat race event. I orginally signed up to go, but I wasn't allow to attend due to my poor sales performance. At first I didn't care, and then a day before the actual event. She pointed at me and said: "you gotta come see me, and cheer me on!!" I thought oh wow, finally someone who wants my time and attention.
To her and my amazement, I actually showed up, and we spent the entire day walking and talking. Soon a lot of people in our company noticed us talking, and whispers of us "looking so cute" together only made my feelings stronger. Althought she was a nice girl, I was refused to take anything further because I don't like dating ppl I work with (it's just bad for business) Eventually I got fired, due to the fact I sucked at my job and wasn't able to product sales. She, felt really guilty, and felt it was her fault, when it was really mine. She took it upon herself to help me find a job. A job that I currently still have because of her. The new job was much better then the old one, and I couldn't be happier.
She was my purpose and the reason I strive to be a better person. to be cont...

(continued)
Don't want to drag it on too long.. I had no sense of who I am, and what my purpose was. She was my spark that I longed for. Her being a narcissist, and with me as a BPD, I was able to cater to her every "need" We were friends who acted as a couple when we were together. At nights we would stay on the phone until we fell asleep, and the next day in the morning we still be on. I would email her all day, and we would always talk. I did countless "thoughtful" things for her, spoiled her with many gifts, and in return got very lil effort or gifts. One night it all ended, I said the wrong thing. I told her I would kill myself, then ignored her calls for a day. It would prove to be the downfall. The next day I try to patch things up but it was too late, because in her eyes I kept on repeating a pattern. I kept on giving 110% effort, while I felt the effort she gave, was less then half. She "ended" our relationship, we were no longer friends, and not even kept in touch. She emailed me on day to meet up again in 6 months. The 6 months was 3 weeks ago, we only stayed in touch fora couple days, then she broke it off because of my behavior. I dont deny what I did was wrong, my problem is not being able to move fwrd. She was my spark, and I keep reflecting on what I did wrong. BPD, help me accept some of the things I did. I don't want to go in full details with my history with her. I loved her dearly, and what she did to me, made me take a vow to never allow myself to fall in love with a girl again. I am seeking help, now that I know what is causing my pain, my way of thinking and behavior. I just wish I can find affordable therapy.

Hi Manutd Fan and Welcome to BPDR!

I'm glad for you that your diagnosis gives you a sense of understanding. I find with BPD, understanding the reasons for my behaviour can help me find out the 'real' issue behind it and therefore help me change my ways.

I can relate to your relationship woes-- it has been very difficult for me to move on as well (in the past; I'm happily married now!). There are some great Tools in the Tool box on your upper left that can help with all you are going through. I highly recommend all of them, but for you dealing with this issue the Separation of Stuff tool is really eye-opening.

I just wanted to send you a welcome. This site has been instrumental in my recovery from BPD and I hope it will be for you too. I look forward to reading your posts.

Harmonium,

Thanks for your feedback, I do admit writing on this msg board has helped me. It's just that no one seems to be giving me input, and it kinda sucks. I have been reading other ppls post. And seeing other post kinda helps though.

One thought. Pretty much, most of the time, relationship problems aren't one person's fault, or the other's, but some of both. You did things you could have done better. But she had issues too. Focus on what you can learn and do differently, and take responsibility for your choices, but don't take on all the blame.

Yes, it can be frustrating around here that we really aren't a real-time board. There is little 'instant feedback' here......but if you can wait for the replies, they are very beneficial (most of the time!).

I firmly agree that just reading through the old posts really help. I've done quite a bit of that actually. For me, most of my questions were almost answered just by seeing how others reacted/responded to a similar situation. And of course using the tools for my own stuff.

I hope you stick around and give this place a real chance. There is much good here, but it's not instant. Really, for recovery to work you have to work it, as the saying goes. I get as much out of BPDR as I put into it (really probably more than I put in, lol!). Same with recovery; if I'm willing to do the tough work, I get the results I want and/or need.

The articles on this site has been very helpful, along with other various sites that I have found. Along with doing my own personal research from books I read. I notice having BPD usually has another disorder that goes hand in hand with it. In my case it was and still is substance abuse/dependancy.. I use to be a heroin addict and luckily I was able to kick it. It was only recently when I started my current job where I began drinking. I never enjoy drinking, and never liked going out to clubs or bars. It was work where I felt compelled to drink with my co-workers. I did it in an effort to win there approval, to fit in. In the end it didn't work, and I find myself everyday after work as I head home, I pass the beer store thinking to buy beer or not, then I pass the liquor store with the same questions. I have been drinking for the past month and a half everyday after work by myself. It wasn't until reading on BPD that I realize it was ruining my recovery. I have given it up, and luckily it's been helping with my recovery. I notice getting over "her" not thinking about "her" thinking I might have a chance to get her back or think about all the good and bad things all ruin my chances of recovery. I think recovery is determined by my ability to stay clean along with the fact of getting over her. If I am able to restrain myself from thoughts and wishes of her.. Hopefully I will be fine. I need to develop my own therapy.. because I find therpay is getting WAY WAY too expensive!!

Welcome to BPDR. I hope you'll find some of the answers you're trying to find.

Thanks

I notice it takes a very long time to get a response from anyone... maybe it's the topic I am writing about that needs to change?

No, it's not the topic you're writing on. It's that people are not on the site 24 hours a day. people visit here at different times and they respond to things that are relevant in their lives. You shouldn't personalize a lack of response because that's not what BPDR is about. BPDR is a community where people come when they can to share what they want in their own words on their own time. We have members from around the globe with a majority based in the U.S. so time zones also play a factor in response time, etc.

Step through the other topics and read what folks are writing. Respond to those people. Develop relationships. You'll soon find that you'll get responses as people get to know who you are and connect with you in their own way.

Note that your first post in this thread got replies fairly quickly.

If you were wanting replies to your post on Jan 5, I think it would have been better to start a new thread in the appropriate section of the board rather than attaching it to your introduction/greetings post.