BPDRecovery.com: Forums

hi , I am struggling are symptoms of anger, impulsivity, and feeling as if everyone is pushing buttons BPD related? these are some of the ways I have been feeling lately. To add to this, I have not one friend. Not too long a go I had a few, but lost them because of my acting out. Can anyone relate to a time when they had no one in their lives? I have never been married, have no children, no real family because they live in another state than I, and I now have not one friend. I hope someone can identify with me.

Hi Ellisen and welcome to BPDR!

You're not alone. I lost four of my five closest friends when I was at my most "borderline", because they couldn't cope with my mood swings, self-harm, anger, impulsive behaviours, etc. One of them is now a good friend again, but the other three are gone from my life. For a long time I felt that only people with similar MH problems could possibly like and understand me. But now, a few years on, I'm 90% recovered and have some fabulous friends with and without MH issues.

Anger and impulsivity and finding your buttons get pushed easily definitely can be BPD symptoms, they can also be symptoms of other things as well of course. For a diagnosis I would definitely recommend talking to a psychiatrist and/or therapist - are you getting any professional help at the moment? You're welcome here regardless of diagnosis though. The "tools" (which you can find in the box at the top left of every page) are great for anyone who wants to improve their mental health, and quite a few members (including myself) don't have the BPD label.

You sound really lonely right now and I hope connecting with people here can help you feel less alone. Again, welcome!

Lirael

thank you Lirael - yes I have bpd and bipolar disorder too. I ordered the book ' putting the pieces together' but get really tired for some reason when I read. How did you begin? I might be trying to do too many things at once. 1. I want to quit smoking and have been trying for a few days, but picked up another pack today 2. I want to eat healthfully for my health foremost, and because recently I gained 20 pounds 3. I want to begin exercising again, but feel afraid to go to the gym. I am practicing ' being alone with God ' -- I don't know if you believe in God or not... but I do. I seem to lack trust in every human being at this point in time. I feel overwhelmed with information here on this site and even in the book I ordered. I feel overwhelmed with everything in my life. You are fortuneate to have your friend back again. Those of us with BPD tend to be intuitive to another's reactions, though lots of times we are way off the mark. Does this make sense? at all?
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to answer your questions - yes I attend a group, and have a therapist to see once every three weeks or so, as well as a doctor. I have been in recovery for years - but still struggling at 40. Where do you suggest I begin simply? Maybe with the five steps? I will print them out. How does this sound? Is this what you did? I also have an entire bpd pamphlet that a therapist gave me for which I am grateful. Again, I feel overwhelmed and don't understand where to begin to practice more in the real world.

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thank you for your reply. ps: I don't have any self harm issues anymore, but do have mood swings, anger, and impulsive behaviors. So glad you are 90% recovered.

you know never mind... actual, I am feeling OK. I have lots of tools in my toolbox on how to cope with my personality, and group and therapist, and doctor too. just checkin' the site because I got the book. I have some new readers glasses to try too! so maybe I won't get so tired when I read. Look forward to reading the book. I have been wanting it for such a long time. I may check in for the other tools here too. I don't do self harm or anything like that, and I have God 24/7. ~ Glad there is this site to come to; I'm sure it helps a lot of people! [Genuinely]Take care! ellisen