BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I would just like to do an introduction. I've never been on the site before. I was dx'd with BPD when I was 14. I'm now nearing my 39th bday. Never had therapy and never taken meds. I need this to change, and I am taking the appropriate steps. I have been married to my nearly wonderful all the time hubby for almost 13 years. I'm not sure how he managed it. I have 4 children. Two are grown and have moved out. My oldest has found himself in a relationship with a girl just like Mom. Ouch! My third child a girl, also has BPD undiagnosed as of right now. But we are all new to the area, waiting for dr's to return phone calls, and she is just beginning to show the tendencies (16 y.o.). My youngest, my baby son, is 11. He is a handful with ADHD, Bipolar, ODD, and mild Tourettes. I am what I like to call myself a "functioning lunatic". (humor intended). I'm a stay at home Mom because I have severe panic attacks when I have to work outside the home. I am good as self employed or working with hubby. Just don't like the feeling of being judged by a superior. My hope is to strengthen my marriage and to help and be helped by others who may know something about BPD recovery.

Wow, you've got a lot on your plate! I would probably be a lunatic too, though I'm not sure I would be very "functional." LOL

I think it's good that you're pursuing the possibility of treatment for your family. I'm not saying that in a put-down kind of way, but because I know I never would have made significant progress for myself on my own. I have needed medication, inpatient treatment, and a LOT of outpatient talk therapy which is still ongoing. So you and your children have not only your individual needs, but also needs as a family, in terms of how to get along with each other, how to help each other, how to set boundaries for responsible behavior for each other.

Getting the needs for medication straightened out can be difficult. There is so much conflicting information out there, and it's especially hard to know what's right when you're talking about children. It can be even harder when there are either limited mental health resources where you live or insurance restrictions on who you can see or how much coverage you have... how much the insurance will pay for. But I really urge you to get the best treatment you can find, first in finding a psychiatrist who can evaluate the need for medication and second in finding a therapist (or several, since there are several of you who need assistance) who can work with you and who you can trust. There's a tendency to over-medicate, I think (and I say that even though I take two anti-depressants), and with difficult kids I really believe a lot of doctors just want to throw drugs at the problem until they have a more compliant person even if the kid is now a zombie and the underlying problems aren't really solved. So look for good advice, don't take anything at face value, ask questions until you are satisfied with the answers, and if something isn't working then insist that things are re-evaluated and changed if necessary.

I wish you good luck. I hope you can find some good resources here. Check out our "Tools" on the left for some tactics a lot of us have found helpful. There's a lot of total trash -- misinformation and nastiness -- out there on the internet, but we really try to be careful here, and I hope you can trust us on that. So welcome, and I'm glad you found us.

hi makinascene,

i am amazed that you can still have a sense of humor with all that you have to deal with on a daily basis. i have a 13 yr. old daughter with bpd and i don't have bpd.....some days i could barely get out of bed. things are much better now. i wish you and your family well on your journey of healing and hope. i think it would be a good thing to all help each other and have each other for accountability towards the same goals.

btw: my daughter 13, has been on meds for depression and mood stability since july. no more self harm, no more depression. prozac 20mg. and 10 mg abilify. at first the meds made her very sleepy but she has adjusted to them and is doing GREAT! we go to therapy together once a week and our therapist is teaching dbt skills. oh yeah, forgot to say she has also been diagnosed with odd and mdd. the odd mixed with the bpd can really be tricky when trying to determine what is the most helpful way to respond to unhealthy behaviors in a teenager. i know you love your children so very much and it sounds like you have a great support in your husband.

keep coming here to learn and get support.

lbjnltx

Thanks for the replies, and the support. I know it can be hard. I found with myself in regard to the self harm, that I decided at a very young age that I did not want to do that anymore. I convinced myself that being honest with someone I trust when I have the feelings that lead to the behavior, would help me out of the situation. I was right. There are very few people I trust and they have never let me down or passed unfair judgement on me. My daughter has the same behaviors and knows that if the urge to harm herself should arise, I am the first person to go to. We really keep each other focused. I feel that taking something that is normally hidden and putting it on the table for everyone to see has helped both of us. I do indeed have a very supportive family. We all have flaws, and we are not to judge others. This is difficult sometimes. But we do our best. My son has been off of all meds for almost a year, but has to go back on as his ODD is too difficult for him to control. We like our son better au naturale. However, the meds do help him with his studies and relationships with his peers. I am the one who needs the most help from professionals at the moment, I have been unfair to my poor sweet hubby over the past few months.