BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello to everyone... this is my first time ever posting on a forum and it does feel somewhat awkward...

I'm 21 years old, married and a mother of two, one 3 year old boy and a soon to be born baby girl. I'm the 4th child out of 5 kids, and I constantly wonder if I'm sane half the time... I just found out I was BPD back in November '09. Prior to that, I'd been diagnosed with Major Depression. It's a common mistake I've read, but I'm still getting used to the difference.

More and more recently have I been noticing myself "going off the deep end" and over reacting to certain stimuli. (I'm starting to recognize different kinds of stimuli on a daily basis, especially when I sit and really think about it...) I kept thinking that these heated reactions and venomous words I'd spew at certain people were normal for a pregnant woman who'd get a little agitated. But now I know better, and I really want to change.

I was conducting random Google searches the other day when I happened to stumble across a page that referenced this website. I figured I could check it out, and after reading through the 'Tools', I believe this is somewhere I belong. (If you'll have me that is.) It's like finding a community full of people who have a similar view of the world. And a similar need to become well again.

I've purchased 'The Book' and am currently awaiting it's arrival. However, there is one question that's been plaguing me for the past couple days...

I'm the only person from my core family that has ever gotten any kind of psychiatric help. (This was after my attempted suicide that landed me in the hospital several years ago) My older brother attempted suicide a few years ago as well, however he convinced his friend - who was escorting him to the hospital - that he was fine and didn't need to see any professional help. Also my little sister used to cut herself and was using drugs and alcohol. And she's no longer under any of those influences by her own choice. My older sister is somewhat psychotic (in my personal opinion...) considering she's thrown knives at people that have stuck into walls, threatened people with a machete, and attempted to be an overlord of some sort over the rest of us. And she blames us for her life falling apart over the course of her 5 year marriage (which she ended a few years ago...) ...I'd say something for my eldest brother, but he's so distant that I have a really hard time recalling any of the strange quirks about him aside from his short temper resulting in 'hole-y' walls and broken doors.

I'm not trying to say that life growing up was all bad, we've had great times together. I'm just reflecting on the interpersonal issues between us as I ask this one question:

If I am BPD, is there a higher likelihood of my siblings sharing a similar condition? Taking in to consideration the dysfunctional quirks we've had together.

I ask because I can't tell if it's just me being somewhat on the 'crazy' side, or if they're just as 'crazy' as I am... -or- if it's just that environment that really drives me nuts. =/ Or maybe this might just be a sibling rivalry issue and I can stop over thinking the matter.

I get lost when I try to figure these things out...

Hi Spiralout, and WELCOME to BPDR!!

I'm glad you have stumbled upon us-- you are welcome here. We focus on recovery from mental illness, particularly BPD, so using the tools and focusing on the Self are kinda key around here. I hope this site can be as helpful to you as it has been for me!!


Probably.....they think there is a genetic component and I would think simply growing up in the same environment could impart similar traits on siblings. But....it's not that black and white, yes or no, kind of thing. The only way you would really know if any of your sibs suffer with BPD is for them to go to a doc and get a formal diagnosis. It's a tough diagnosis in that many BPD traits overlap with other disorders (like bi-polar or major depression) and really are just everyday "normal" reactions to things magnified to a different level. In other words, traits for BPD can be 'normal'-- it's the duration, intensity and frequency that makes it a 'disorder'.

In any case, I hope that you can let that be an "unknown" in the sense that in order for you to get better, the focus needs to be on you and your feelings. It sounds kinda like it's not really important if they are or if they aren't-- knowing would just be a way for you to measure your own 'crazyness' or 'sanity'. FWIW, I don't believe people with BPD or MDD are 'crazy'-- for me it's 'just' maladaptive coping. Coping is a learned thing, so if the way I learned to cope growing up doesn't work for me as an adult (i.e.BPD behavior) then what I need to focus on is learning new coping skills.

Hope that made some sense and didn't overload you. I'm glad you are here and look forward to getting to know you.

Harmonium

Thank you Harmonium! ^.^ I really do appreciate the response.

I admit that I did originally take the response to my question as a form of rejection. After re-reading your post I'm not sure why... maybe a possible overload of irrational fear of looking ignorant on my part. ^.^' (And I've only just now come back to try again)

I've been working with the book and I think I'm more ready this time around than last time. I'm looking forward to the path to recovery and I am very glad we've met. =)

Here's to new beginnings! ^.^