BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi,
I'm very very new here. Its really helped to read the stories of others. I just wanted to explain who I am. I've been with my boyfriend for several years. It because of him that I have really tried to get help. I love him so much and I have made his life a misery.... I was diagnosed with BPD 3 weeks ago. I discovered only 2 weeks ago that he thought I had BDP for years but he was too worried about my reaction to raise it with me.... I have screamed at him for hours, had affairs when I believed that he wasn't there for me enough and reacted badly when he wanted to see his friends and when he wants to stay with his daughter who lives very far away I have lost it (still not sure if its appropriate for him to stay at his ex's house just to see his daughter but thats another story).... so for the majority of the time he didn't do these things. Now after several years he is angry..... is now doing these things regardless of my reaction, just yeaterday he said that if I leave him because he is doing what he wants then he has made the right decision in doing them.

I'm getting treatment (first session is booked in for tomorrow), but I'm really struggling. I feel like I know what the problem is (I've done lots of reading) but I don't know how to handle it all. It often feels completely overwhelming, I panic and I simply feel like I can't cope and I just don't want to be me anymore.
I came looking for support because I really don't think my boyfriend can really understand this properly (I have tried to explain) and there is noone else I can talk to about this. He thinks that supporting me is not leaving me and encouraging me to go to therapy. Which is helpful but I do feel I need more than that.... am I wrong? Am I selfish? Sorry to go on.... I really don't feel I know my own mind at the moment. I don'y know if I can trust my own judgement and feelings...

Dear JustMe,
Your boyfriend thinks that supporting you is not to leave you and to encourage you to get help.

I think you have a great boyfriend I'm SERIOUS I would suggest you check your own expectations. What do you really mean by 'MORE THAN THAt' and whether your expectations are reasonable (meaning he is able to provide that)

Also, congratulations for coming here This is a good place Hugs from me It's normal to feel overwhelmed, really it is. Take it easy, one step at a time. I'm slowly learning that, that this bpd thing will not and does not go away overnight (sucky fact though...)

You're not alone dear I just started on my journey too

hugs,
another gal who has bpd...

Dear meremortal,

Thank you for replying.... its really good to know that someone is out there.... maybe your right. Maybe my expectations are too high. Normally its perfectly fine. I've just had another 'episode' recently (about him staying at his ex's house), becuase of that he's not really talking to me.... I really really struggle with that and with my first treatment session this afternoon I guess I'm just finding it all a bit too much and so I want more from him but it probably is a bit too much to ask.

Thank you for saying that I'm not alone..... it does feel like it sometimes. I read your introduction.... Good luck with your journey / process.... I really hope we all make progress quickly

hey JustMe
How did your first treatment / session go?

I just had my therapy session 2 hours ago. We did not deal with any issues this time. My psychiatrist told me to do whatever I need to do to keep at MINIMUM functioning level - exercise, sufficient sleep, proper diet, prayer, etc etc. He said tell myself that I will not dip below minimum level and not spiral down. Just stick at minimum. Coz if my work performance dips too low, there would be more unnecessary problems to solve (called by Head of Department, etc).
I think he's right. I've been spiralling down in a way, and my productivity at work has been going down - missing datelines, delaying work, etc.
So for the two weeks (till my next appointment), i'm going to do just that - maintain at minimum and not spiral down.
I want progress fast BADLY, but now I think it's an unreasonable expectation to expect of myself.

cheers!

Hey,

Sounds like very very good advice. I'm in a similar position. My first session was more of an assessment really. He told me about a website called Mood Gym.... may help you too? I think its a matter of just trying to stick with it and if it goes wrong then get up and try again. I'm in the process of getting up and trying yet again. Its not a good day today.

JM

thanks Will look up Mood Gym