BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I am exploring the possibility that I have BPD. While I don't have an unstable personal life, I do have a history of very volatile relationships with men. I don't trust them, I wait for them to betray me, I verbally abuse them, I yell at them, try to convince them that they've done me wrong (because I believe they have), wait for apologies that never come, obsess over everything they do, demand full disclosure, punish them excessively, sometimes physically challenge or hit them, etc. I am insecure when they spend time away from me, experience extreme anxiety about it, am very jealous, etc. The jealousy is sometimes overwhelming. Then, when they try to leave, I beg for them to come back. It's an awful cycle. It looks slightly different with each one, but there are definite similarities.

These behaviors and thought patterns do not occur in the other aspects of my life, however. Is it possible that I just have some sort of form of BPD that only affects these intimate relationships? Is anyone else here like this? Is the treatment still the same?

Please, please comment if you think you have valuable feedback. I'm distressed to discover that I may have some sort of illness... this is very disturbing in a way, but if I can accept it and get treatment to end this awful cycle I would be very very happy.

WW

Dear Wonderwoman,

Thanks for posting and welcome to the board!

Just to put in my two cents, for what their worth (about a fiftieth of a dollar, I think.)

I've always been annoyed at the classification of mental illness as an "illness," something that is in some ways particular to my way of looking at the world. While I haven't decided what I would rather it be called, I think that I still have something useful to say on the matter.

Rather than looking at it as a psychological illness, try to find out what you'd like to see in your life, what behaviors and feelings you'd like to have. I find that regardless of whether you may fit an official diagnosis, the tools and insight come with "working on yourself" are very valuable. Its hard work, but if you are willing and persistent, real improvement is very possible.

As for how to take the first steps; even if you don't think that you fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD (Have you done a search for the DSM VI BPD criteria? If not, I suggest that you do.) ....really only a doctor can make the final determination.... even if you DON'T have BPD, it may still be useful to look into the DBT tools and get therapy if you can. Therapy isn't only for people with mental "illnesses."

I can't relate specifically to your pattern of relationships, though mine have been very chaotic also, often ending in a huge escalating fight that ruins the friendship forever. I've only ever had one boyfriend, and so far we're doing fine.

I hope more people reply to your post. If nothing else, beginning to become more self-aware is an accomplishment in and of itself.

Welcome and best of luck to you.

-Bewilderness

Yeah, um, you can start looking through the Tools listed underneath the Tool section on the left-hand side of the page. If you have any questions about them, you can post them here in the forums. I'm a fan of the 5 Steps, but I'm new to all this too!

Bewilderness,

I just searched for DSM VI BPD criteria, but couldn't find anything that looked like it wasn't printed in latin. Why did you say VI and not one of the others (I - VI)? Just curious. Hoping to find help here... I'll look through the Tools section. Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it.

DSM IV. Bewilderness must have gotten the letters backwards. DSM IV is the current version, and DSM V the one they are working on.

Yeah, sorry >.< I wonder what you ended up looking at, wonderwoman.

Hm, I did a Goggle search and got this: http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.c ... /dsmiv.htm

From your post, wonderwoman, it sounds like you might consider yourself filling either/both 1. "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" 2. "a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation" and possibly 8. "inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)"

But, I'm no doctor and neither are you. (I don't think.) Again, I think its kind of a moot point. If you're ready and willing to get help and help yourself, labels shouldn't matter.

If you are interested in a little psych theory for kicks, check out attachment theory:

http://d.scribd.com/docs/15cp51hbdatdy9xlt3r3.pdf

Sorry I can't be more helpful. I try to take these kinds of things with a grain of salt and remember that labels aren't everything.