BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I was diagnosed with PD in the early 90's with the possibility of MPD. As soon as I received the diagnoses I stopped seeing my therapist because of financial reasons. I decided to explore my personalities alone and believed to have found 13. I have been working to integrate and believe that I have had some amount of success over the years. Although recently I have had some triggers in my life that has set me off and thus the reason for researching help online. I still cannot afford a therapist as I am on Social Security in the USA and it doesn't cover mental health near as well as it does physical health.

I am moving soon though and I plan on attempting to find a trauma therapist who can help me at least once a month. That is, if I can even bring myself to leaving my apartment. I have terrible fright at the thought of leaving home, I can't drive because of the fright. I am pretty much frozen by fear right now.

I believe I suffer from a multitude of disorders such as C-PTSD, anxiety and depression as well. I also have fibromyalgia with chronic fatigue and chronic migraines that often land me in the emergency room.

Two years ago I was at a really good place, but I have fallen down and can't seem to be able to get back up.

I look forward to getting to know all of you here and hope that at some point I can be a help to someone.

CH

Hey cominghome, welcome.

Its great to hear that you've been able to succeed somewhat in your struggles with MPD; unfortunately it seems like the battle's never over.

People here are probably not really qualified to help you in the way that you're looking for help; I know I really can't relate to what you're dealing with. However, if you want to use this forum as a sounding board and a place for friendly support, well, I'm pretty sure that's what its here for.

Good luck with your move and with finding a therapist. Keep us informed.

I want to applaud you on, despite being frozen with fear, being able to see that it is possibly a temporary situation, a matter of what's happening "right now." Perhaps using the CBT for untwisting your thinking can be a tool for you (see under the Tools table on the left-hand side of the page).

Sometimes I can remember, when I'm not in too dark of a place, that being in that dark place is really a chance to grow. I struggle with the impatience of wanting to feel "okay" again, but I am also glad that I have the opportunity to fall down and, hopefully, eventually rise up again stronger.

Keep posting, and I'll see you around.

-Bewild

Yeah I agree with Bewilderness. I too, feel that the journey is sometimes a long one, especially when I'm in a really dark place. But sometimes, I remember that I'm on the road to recovery, meaning getting better.

All the best to you, cominghome