BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hi,
I have not been diagnosed but I feel like I have some bpd traits.
I have very black and white feelings towards myself. Most of the time I can accept myself but I am very sensitive to what people think of me. If I sense someone is irritated by me or dislikes me I feel that I am all bad and want to hurt myself. If I feel a negative emotion I think that I am all bad and want to hurt myself. When I feel this way I bite my hands, slap and punch my face and smash my head against walls.
I realise that it is very manuipulative and abusive to act this way in front of others but to my shame I have done so.
In my mind, I believe that everyone hates me and that by harming myself in front of them I can placate them. Normally I can see that this is irrtionall but when I am feeling that self hatred iit seems to make sense.
The only thing about me that is not bpd is that I don't feel clingy towards others. If anything I feel distant. I don't feel like imposing myself because I feel that I am trouble and not a good person.
I hope it is ok to post on here, I think I would like a place to talk about this dark side of myself

Welcome! And it's perfectly okay to post here if you're looking to learn how to live a happy, healthy life. The dx isn't necessary. You recognize things in yourself that you want to change. And there's lots of us here that can relate to how you feel and the things you've gone through.

So yes... you can talk about the dark part. Just know that we'll try to help you try to see that there's light.

Trin

Thanks Trinity,