BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Hello,

I just joined this site. I guess I'm just looking for others who understand. I feel so alone sometimes and it's extremely difficult to explain to others what I'm going through. I've lost so many friends in the past few years. It seems that they do one thing wrong and I get so angry that I can never get over it.

I've been suicidal since I was 12 and self-mutilating since I was 15. The last time I cut myself I required 7 stitches. My psychiatrist told me that if I tried that again that I'd be institutionalized for a month. That stopped me from actually cutting, but I still have the desires.

I don't want sympathy - I just want to be understood.

Plenty of understanding here. Some sympathy, because we all hurt, but also an expectation that you're here because you want to get better, not just because you want a lot of virtual hugs.

So roll up your sleeves, do some reading through the various forums, check out our Tools in the box on the left, and see what you can find that might be helpful. If you have questions or comments, jump right in.

I had two separate month-long hospitalizations back in '01-'02. It's not fun, and not that helpful, either, at least in my experience. I still found a way to hurt myself, which pissed the staff off, and some of them were noticeably less supportive afterwards. If the threat of hospitalization is enough to keep you from self-harm, good. Look for other ways to release the stress or feel the pain or whatever the self-injury does for you, that won't draw blood or harm you in the long run. Physical releases that some people use are things like putting a rubber band around your wrist (not tight!) and snapping it when you're tempted to cut, or holding an ice cube against your skin for a minute or so, or something similar that causes discomfort without actually causing injury. Better yet, do something healthier that distracts you, like taking a walk, putting on some good loud music and dancing like crazy, taking a nice soothing warm bath, or, if you must, punching some pillows. Or journal. Or get a red marker and a piece of paper, and scribble madly. There are all sorts of ways to deal with overwhelming emotion that won't hurt you, and you need to find what works best for you.

You CAN overcome the anger -- it just takes some hard work and dedicated practice. I hope you'll find some answers here.

I understand

"they do one thing wrong and i get so angry that i can never get over it"

exactly